


everything he deserves

by OmTivi, orro



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:34:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmTivi/pseuds/OmTivi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orro/pseuds/orro
Summary: “I want to go to Hasetsu with you,” Phichit says to Yuuri over lunch.After his failures at the Grand Prix Final and All Japan, Yuuri decides to head home for the summer to figure out what his future in figure skating is. He didn't plan for Phichit insisting on coming along. But Phichit can see how the two losses weigh on his friend, and he has a feeling that if he doesn't go with him, he'll lose Yuuri.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LLYB has been a dumpster fire of an event but I got to meet and work with [OmTivi](http://omtivi.tumblr.com/) who is an amazing artist and has basically been my second beta for this fic. Thank you so much, Om, I really appreciate everything! <3

“Sorry,” Yuuri says as Phichit answers the phone. He’s not sure what time it is back in Detroit. Part of him doesn’t care. He’s already a failure so what does being selfish matter? 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Phichit says in a serious tone. “We’re friends, right? I told you to call me if you needed anything.” 

“I shouldn’t need-” 

“Oh shut up,” Phichit says. He leans back in his chair, scowling a little. Yuuri can’t tell where he’s at. He thinks he might have ditched class to watch the Grand Prix Final because it looks like he’s in their dorm. "I always tell you that it's fine. And don't you think I was waiting for your call anyway? Cause I was." 

Yuuri winces at that and curls into his pillow further, already dressed for sleep and in his bed instead of at the post competition banquet. But it makes sense. Phichit saw him fall. Everyone saw him for the failure that he is. He knew, of course, that this day would come. He couldn't fool everyone forever. And of course it happened in front of Victor, at the Grand Prix Final, where he thought he had a chance. But he'd never had a chance. All he did was tear the spot from someone else who deserved it more-

"Vicchan died," Yuuri says instead. Phichit's response is something like how his heart had felt at hearing the news. It's a broken little sound and Phichit presses right up to the screen. 

"Oh, Yuuri, no wonder," he says. "I would be a mess if one of my hamsters died. And you've had Vicchan for so long." 

Yuuri shrugs and tries to keep his breathing steady. He can feel tears in his chest but he's so tired of crying. 

"I guess," Yuuri says. He presses a hand to his eyes. "Celestino let me leave the banquet early. So I figured I'd call you. I dunno." 

"Oh wow," Phichit says softly before realizing that's not the best thing to say. But Yuuri gets it. Celestino has been working hard at getting Yuuri to promote himself more and talk to people in the industry; that he told Yuuri he could leave early is a sign of how bad of shape he's in. But he'd taken the chance and run away. 

Talking to Phichit isn't exactly making him feel better yet but at least he can kind of explain himself to someone. He's still making excuses for his poor performance but there's a little voice inside that is insisting his skating isn't usually like that. He can do better; he is better. 

"Did you talk to anyone there?" Phichit asked. Yuuri shakes his head. "Aw man, I get it, but you could have talked to Victor Nikiforov! Did you at least say hi to Christophe Giacometti? Or Cao Bin? People say it's his last year before he retires." 

"I didn't talk to anyone," Yuuri says. He spoke to a few people who Celestino forced on him but it wasn't much of a conversation. And it’s not like he's a decent conversationalist on a good day. 

"You missed your chance," Phichit says, pretending to scold him. "You know how I love your Christophe Giacometti stories! I want you to introduce us at Worlds! I love his twitter, he's so good at being like, tastefully sexy?" 

"Chris is not tastefully sexy," Yuuri says, unable to help a muffled laugh. "Celestino always gives me this look when we talk before a competition. He thinks he's going to abduct me or something." 

"Ah yes, we all know you go willingly with his adventures in debauchery," Phichit says, winking. He's seen the aftermath of drunk Yuuri. 

"After a competition, sure," Yuuri says. "Not before. I guess it doesn't really matter since I never really win but at least I'm not drunk on the ice." 

"So is Chris just sabotaging himself by partying too much before competitions? Is that why he can't beat Victor Nikiforov?" Phichit asks, pretending to scratch at his head. 

"No one can beat Victor because he's the best," Yuuri corrects. He gives a pleased sigh. He'd felt like shit after his free skate but he'd had an excellent seat to watch Victor take the crown again. It'd been a flawless performance, beautiful and heart wrenching, and Yuuri could only watch in bliss. 

"Only because I don't have those quads yet," Phichit says and Yuuri gives a silent laugh, shaking his shoulders. "Don't laugh at me! Once you get back to Detroit I'm going to punch you or something." 

"Or something," Yuuri agrees. "How's practice been going? Getting better at those quads?" 

"Come back and help me," Phichit says. "It helps when I can see your toe loop. The ladies don’t do quads or even triple axels. I feel so alone." 

Yuuri shakes his head at him. But it's easier like this, to talk with Phichit, and while there's still a deadness in his limbs when he finally ends the call, it's easy enough to curl onto his side and fall asleep. 

#

Phichit was specifically told not to greet them at the airport which means he’s been waiting for them. Celestino sighs but he’s too exhausted from the flight to fight it. Yuuri has even less energy, listlessly accepting the hug Phichit gives him. 

“I have food at home cause I figured you would be hungry,” Phichit says to him.

Yuuri mumbles a thanks that he can barely hear himself. He’s come back with nothing after leaving with such high hopes. He was a prideful fool to have such arrogance, to think that he could skate alongside Victor and stand on that podium with him. 

“Didn’t I tell you to stay home?” Celestino can’t help asking though he’s giving him a tired smile. 

“I was worried,” Phichit says with a shrug. Yuuri winces, knowing that’s directed at him. “I was studying while waiting so I was using my time well, at least?” 

“That’s good,” Celestino says, visibly relieved, especially once he sees that Phichit is indeed carrying a textbook with him. “I suppose that’s fine then.” 

Phichit gives a little laugh, partly in relief that he isn’t in trouble. 

Yuuri sinks into the shuttle seat as Celestino takes off the other way. Phichit is sitting right next to him but he isn’t plastered by his side like usual. 

“Celestino said you don’t need to show up to the rink tomorrow,” Phichit says. He’s looking down at the ground. “Are you going to listen to that?” 

Yuuri shrugs. He’s exhausted. The thought of going to the rink only fills him with loathing and dread. 

“I’m just tired right now,” he says, taking refuge in the jetlag. 

"Yeah but you have Nationals coming up," Phichit says. He starts counting down the days on his fingers but before he can start counting out loud he stops himself at seeing the wounded expression on Yuuri's face. "

"Mari-neechan showed me the urn," Yuuri says, staring straight ahead. Phichit flinches but settles down, something that Yuuri feels but doesn't say anything about. He knows what it's like to lose a pet; his hamsters have such short lives but Phichit adores them all the same. 

"I'm sorry," he says. 

"Yeah," Yuuri sighs. He closes his eyes, trying to will away his tears. There's no point in crying now. Hasn’t he done that enough? It doesn't help anything. 

"Does Celestino know?" 

"Ah. Yeah. I...told him." He doesn't want to admit how he bawled in front of him. He's used to Celestino seeing him breakdown thanks to his failures and it's not fun, but it's different from this heartbreak. Vicchan was his dog. 

Phichit doesn't say anything else though he grabs Yuuri's suitcase when they arrive before Yuuri can. Yuuri doesn't fight it. He wants to bury himself in his bed and never leave it; or at least stay there for a week and wake up to find everything is settled and isn't a disaster. 

It won't happen. He'll get a day to relax and recover from his jet lag but Nationals is coming up. He's the favorite to win it and he should be able to but right now his feet feel so heavy. He can't even imagine jumping a single, let alone a quadruple jump. 

"What do you want for breakfast tomorrow? I'll run by and grab your favorite?" Phichit offers as he sets Yuuri's suitcase down. 

"Ah, whatever is fine. I don't think I'll wake up till noon anyway," Yuuri says, not wanting Phichit to bother. It's too kind of him. He’s not worth the effort. 

"Then lunch? I can get something greasy and not approved?" 

Yuuri's stomach churns at the way he indulged during the gap day. 

"Don't worry about me," he mutters, grabbing his suitcase and hurriedly walking to his side of the room. "I just want to sleep. Sorry." 

"Yuuri," Phichit says then he sighs. He follows Yuuri to their room but stops at the door. "Yeah, I get it. We can decide tomorrow." 

"No, don't wait for me. I don't know when I'm going to wake up," Yuuri says, leaning hard on that. He probably won't sleep long enough. He can feel something crawling in his gut and it's hard to piece things together, his mind is jumping all over the place. But Phichit understands jetlag and the post competition feeling. Yuuri tries to take refuge in that understanding. 

"Okay," Phichit says quietly. "Sleep well." 

Yuuri pauses in shedding his layers and feels like the piece of shit he is. Phichit is just trying to help and Yuuri is shoving him away. But he doesn't deserve any of it. He's a piece of shit, truly. 

He doesn't even bother to shower, barely managing to brush his teeth before collapsing into his bed, praying for sleep to take him away from the world for a while. Yuuri just needs everything to stop for a while. 

#

“Hey, when do you and Celestino leave for your Nationals?” Phichit asks as they work in the kitchen. It’s Phichit’s night to cook and Yuuri’s to clean.

“Thursday at eleven. Why?” Yuuri asks, vaguely suspecting something but still answering. Phichit knows that Yuuri doesn’t have the energy to fight him and it’s depressing for so many reasons. 

“I want to come too,” Phichit says and he winces at Yuuri’s sigh. He turns and points the spatula he’s cooking with at him. “I can come. I’m your friend.”

“It’s not worth it to go,” Yuuri says, shoulder hunched over where he’s washing the pans. 

“What?” 

“I’m not going to win,” Yuuri whispers. “You know it, Celestino knows it, and everyone else who has seen me since the Grand Prix Final knows it. I can’t skate. Why did I even think I could compete?” 

“Shut up,” Phichit says, but Yuuri doesn’t fight back, he only falls silent. But Phichit can’t hear this. “Is that really what you think?” 

Yuuri visibly struggles then sighs. 

“No, I’m just stressed.” 

“You’re lying,” Phichit says. Yuuri tenses, caught. “You do think all of that. Is that what you’ve been telling yourself since the Grand Prix Final? That was like two weeks ago! Your childhood dog died! Of course you were a wreck that night!” 

“People have their parents in the hospital and they still compete without fucking up their careers,” Yuuri says stonily. “All I had was my dog die and that was enough to make me fuck it up.” 

“You loved Vicchan. If it was anyone else you would be the most sympathetic person in the world,” Phichit says, turning the stovetop off and moving the pan to the cool side. “Why is it different for you?” 

“Because other people would be stronger than me about it, okay?!” Yuuri shouts at him, turning around with a wild look in his eyes, accidentally sending soap bubbles all over the kitchen floor. “Or they would have been smart enough not to stay away from their supposedly loved dog for five years just to chase a stupid, unfulfillable dream.”

Yuuri doesn’t shout often; not even when he’s drunk and having the time of his life, swinging around a pole. Something about hearing Yuuri yell makes Phichit think he’s pushed him too far but at the same time he’s hearing Yuuri say things he never even suspected of him. 

“You’re wrong,” Phichit says. 

“No, I’m not,” Yuuri says, like he’s stating a concrete fact. “You’re being nice because you’re my friend. But everyone knows now what a failure I am and when I lose my Nationals, even you won’t be able to deny it.” 

“You’re wrong,” Phichit says again, louder, and there’s a part of him that knows he shouldn’t be fighting like this but he doesn’t care. “I train right beside you everyday and I know how hard you work. I know how talented you are. Everyone knows it. Do you think Celestino would have taken you on if he didn’t think he could help you get to the top?” 

Yuuri laughs, an ugly bitter thing that Phichit has never heard from him before. 

“I pay him. It doesn’t matter if I win or lose. He gets his money,” Yuuri says. Phichit can see the regret in his eyes the moment the words leave his mouth. 

“Don’t you ever talk about Celestino that way again,” Phichit yells. He wants to shake Yuuri, to hit him, to do something to break him out of this toxic path. This isn’t his best friend. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri says, wrapping his arms around himself. “I know Celestino isn’t like that. I know it. I’m sorry.” 

“He’s your coach. He’s your friend. Why can’t he want to see you do your best?” Phichit asks, still heated. Yuuri shakes his head. “What the hell does that mean?” 

“It’s not worth it,” Yuuri whispers. 

Phichit doesn’t say anything for a moment. 

“You mean you’re not worth it. You really think you aren’t worth it, don’t you?” Phichit says. It’s not a question, not the way Yuuri bleakly accepts it. And Yuuri doesn’t deny it. “Oh Yuuri.” 

His anger dissipates again, and he reaches out, unsurprised when Yuuri flinches at his touch. But Yuuri lets him hug him and somehow, whether Yuuri himself can’t keep standing or if Phichit sinks down, they end up sitting on the kitchen floor. 

The smell of cooked chicken and mixed vegetables slowly vanishes but Phichit waits for Yuuri to talk, head on his shoulders as he listens to Yuuri’s breathing settle. He thinks Yuuri was crying but he can’t see his face. It’s not important anyway.

“I can’t back out now,” Yuuri murmurs. “I have to show that I’m still competitive, that I can still skate. I kind of wish I’d gotten sick. Or hurt myself. But I’m not. I’m physically healthy. It’s just my head that’s stupid.” 

“You’re so mean to yourself,” Phichit says, equally quiet. “Do you think that way about me when I mess up?” 

“Of course not,” Yuuri says. He wipes at his eyes. “I couldn’t- you’re not like that, Phichit. You work so hard and everyone at home is so proud of you. You’ve done so much for your country and you’re barely starting. There’s no one else who can skate like you. It’s amazing.” 

“I could say all of that about you and you’d never believe me,” Phichit says. 

“Because it’s not true about me,” Yuuri says. “I just...I want to skate. So I keep selfishly skating.” 

Phichit sighs.

“You’re sabotaging yourself. How can you win if you think you’re so terrible?” 

Yuuri is quiet as he thinks about that. 

“I never thought about it like that,” Yuuri says. 

“You’re kind of dumb,” Phichit says and Yuuri gives a wet laugh. 

“Sorry you have to put up with my dumb self,” he says. 

“Apology accepted,” Phichit says. He gets off Yuuri’s shoulder and stands upright. “Come on, let’s heat up this food again and eat.” 

Yuuri accepts his hand up and wipes at his dry eyes. 

“Okay,” he says, and it’s a ‘thank you’ for ending the conversation. 

“Sure, no problem,” Phichit says, taking cups out of the cabinet. “By the way, I’m thinking about upgrading the hamsters’ cage and I sort of want to put it in the living room.” 

Yuuri smiles a little, thin and clearly seeing through Phichit’s attempts to bring them around to some normal conversation. 

“I thought we went through the pros and cons of this already?” 

“I’ve been thinking about it more and I have a few more pros to add to that list,” Phichit says. “Like when we have people over they can see the hamsters right away without having to ask for them! Everyone loves hamsters. And it’ll be easy for me to bring in dates and have them like me quicker.” 

“Your dates liking you has never been a problem,” Yuuri says. 

“I saw a cute video about a massive playground someone made for their hamsters and I want one now. Think of the videos I could make of them! Theirs was good but mine will be a hundred times better. Come on, Yuuri, think of it. The hamsters could be internet famous. They could be memes.” 

Yuuri doesn’t laugh, but his shoulders shake a little, and Phichit takes that as a win for now. 

#

“What were you and Celestino talking about?” Phichit asks Yuuri the moment he returns to the ice.

"I...they're, the JSF is still inviting me to Four Continents and Worlds," Yuuri says, a little dazed. He blinks but he can’t seem to focus on anything. 

"Isn't that good?" Phichit asks. He's the only skater that can compete on an international level for Thailand so he's a guarantee as long as he hits the ISU limits. He's had no problem with that this year. 

"I got fourth at Nationals," Yuuri says, because that really should be obvious. 

It’d been so painfully close when it shouldn’t have been at all. He was a top contender, the favorite to win, and he fucked it up. People were asking if he was injured. He’s not, unfortunately; he’s just a mess. But a mess who was still invited to Worlds and Four Continents.

"Yeah but you were at the Grand Prix Final. Only six people make it there. Of course they would send you," Phichit says. 

Yuuri gives him a look then sighs.

"I didn't think they would," Yuuri says quietly. "I was planning on using this time to focus on my school work. Now what do I do?" 

"Accept it and go with me!" Phichit says. "You can have second place because first place will obviously be mine. We can go explore Seoul and Shanghai together. I will take so many pictures of us. I know you don't like going sightseeing but you absolutely have to. We can go after so that you can stress about the competition first." 

Yuuri snorts a little at that despite himself. He absently skates through his short program though it feels drained of all energy. 

It’s tempting to accept the invitations and finish out the season. But his Nationals loss is fresh and smarting, still bleeding, and right now Yuuri doesn’t feel like he’s capable of putting out performances worth the effort to train and travel. He glances at Phichit and says none of this out loud. 

Instead of practicing his programs Yuuri plays through _Stammi Vicino_ in his mind. Skating Victor’s routines always eases him, challenging as they are. That might be why they are so relaxing, because Yuuri has to focus on mastering all the delightful twists and turns instead of letting his mind wander to unsavory topics. 

Either way, when he finishes the program, his mind is blessedly clear from exhaustion and his body burns pleasantly after the exertion. He ignores Celestino giving him a worried look and gives him an ordinary greeting, not wanting to be asked about his mental wellbeing right now. It’s shit but right at this second, he’s doing okay. 

Skating Victor’s routines has always helped. Yuuri thinks back to when he would skate with Yuuko and Nishigori, a soft smile settling on his face as he recalls those early, simple days. 

He hasn’t been home in five years; he calls and video chats, and sometimes Mari-neechan or Minako-sensei will come out to a competition for him. The first year he competed as a senior at Nationals his mom came out to see him. But most of the time it’s too expensive, even when he’s in Japan for Nationals or for NHK Trophy. 

Yuuri comes out of a combination spin and glides across the ice, taking long easy strides. His parents would be happy to have him there for the summer. He could see Yuuko and Nishigori; the triplets are in grade school now, they’re not babies any longer. 

Going home sounds nice.

#

“I don’t want to think about this,” Phichit complains from the table. 

Yuuri shakes his head at him from the other side of the table; he’s half listening, focused more on editing his essay and battling with the website that keeps changing languages on him. It’s throwing him off something fierce. 

“Celestino is too expensive,” Phichit moans, with a devilish chuckle as he realizes what he just said. 

“Mm,” Yuuri says, realizing what Phichit is doing now. It’s time for the skaters to renew their contracts. He needs to have a long conversation with Celestino about his because not one hundred percent sure what he plans to do. Right now he’s focused on graduating and trying to keep in shape. He can feel himself struggling to keep the weight off now that he’s not competing. But he’s not in off season mode yet. He shouldn’t be. It’s very different to let himself go for a summer versus half the year. 

Phichit sits up a little and looks at him. 

“Did you already finish yours?” Phichit asks. 

“Ah, not yet,” Yuuri says, keeping his eyes on his laptop. 

“What?” Phichit asks. “Just about everyone else is done. I’m almost done, I just need to wait for my dad’s wire transfer to finish going through. I’m just complaining about it.” 

Yuuri sighs and pushes his laptop away, his attention shot to hell, and he knows Phichit won’t let this go now. 

“I need to sit down and talk with Celestino since I plan on graduating this semester. I’m pretty sure his prices are different for students versus regular athletes since he’s affiliated with the school. And I don’t know if I can stay in Detroit.” 

“What are you saying?” Phichit asks. 

“I’m going home to Hasetsu for the off season,” Yuuri says. He looks at his hands. “It’s too late to see Vicchan but I haven’t been home in five years.” 

“But then what? Are you going to find a coach in Japan? You work so good with Celestino and you told me he’s been your best coach. You can’t just give that up!” 

“It might not be my choice,” Yuuri says softly. 

“Bullshit. You always-” 

“And I might not be able to afford it,” Yurui says, knowing that will shut Phichit up. 

Phichit bit his lips and clenches his fists. He takes a deep breath. “Please talk to Celestino soon.” 

“I will,” Yuuri says. “I have to.” 

They lapse into silence but Yuuri knows that Phichit hasn’t stopped thinking about it. But he can’t give him any words of comfort. This is Yuuri’s choice and the more he thinks about going home, the more right it feels, an ache in his chest decreasing at the thought of being with his family and in his hometown again. He misses it, all the more that he’s allowing himself to think about it, since most of the time he’s occupied with skating. 

And he needs to see Vicchan, to apologize for being such a bad owner. 

What will happen after, Yuuri doesn’t know, though he keeps it to himself that he thinks there’s a real possibility he won’t want to leave Japan again. He can’t say that to Phichit or Celestino yet though. 

#

Phichit grumbles as the names for Four Continents come out. He flicks through the list even though Yuuri’s name won’t be on there since he declined the invitation. He feels bad for Japan that their best skater won’t show, and now they pretty much have no chance at a silver or bronze medal. He supposes it’s good for him, since he won’t have Yuuri to compete against, but he’s too down to think about it like that. He wants to compete against Yuuri, to have them skate alongside each other, but that’s not going to happen anymore. 

Not now that Yuuri’s plans to return home are set. He’s going to graduate this semester and then go home for the summer, not even staying in town for Worlds. He’ll be home by then. Phichit is going to come back to an empty dorm room and he hates the idea. 

“People are already noticing that you’re not on the roster for Four Continents,” Phichit says. They’re asking him, specifically, since he’s the only other source of Yuuri Katsuki news that isn’t Celestino, Yuuri, or the JSF. 

Yuuri gives a hum, but it’s a sound that only acknowledges that Phichit spoke, not that he registered what he said. He’s absently eating his salad, engrossed in his phone. Phichit takes a drink of his water and tries again.

“I want to go to Hasetsu with you,” Phichit says to Yuuri over lunch. 

“Okay,” Yuuri says, deep in his phone. He’s probably drooling over Victor. Lately that’s been super annoying which is confusing because Yuuri has always been a Victor fanboy and it used to be cute. He has no idea when that changed. 

“Do you have a room for me to stay at the onsen?” 

“What?” Yuuri says, realizing what Phichit is saying. “You’re coming with me? Why?” 

“Vacation!” Phichit says with a grin. 

“What about going home?” Yuuri asks, wide eyed, phone forgotten. It’s probably not about Victor because Phichit can see nothing but kanji on the screen. 

“My family wants to take their own vacation. I’ll see them next year. And you know we talk all the time. My sister wants to come visit Detroit too.”

“But what about your training?” 

“It’s a vacation,” Phichit points out. “And you said you have an ice rink there. We can practice together and keep each other in shape! I already asked Celestino and he said it would be good if I did some ice shows over there too. We could both do some together!” 

“Ah, Phichit, I don’t think-” Yuuri starts, uncomfortable. 

“Okay, I had a feeling that would be your answer for the ice shows,” Phichit says, unable to help voicing his disappointment. It’s true that he was expecting it but he had hopes. Celestino was the one too who insisted not to even ask; he knew the answer as well as Phichit. “But you can help me get ready for them and you’ve been to like all the major ones!” 

“I mean, yeah, but they change every year,” Yuuri says. “Different cities, different managers, different stage hands. It’s not always the same.” 

“Well, of course it can’t be the same, people would get bored. You gotta keep it interesting and fresh!” Also he wants to start keeping a more critical eye on ice shows, if he wants to host one himself one day. But no one needs to know that right now. 

“And Celestino is really okay with this?” Yuuri asks again. 

“Yes, he is,” Phichit says. “You’re a good influence, apparently, since you’re a hard worker. I dunno, he said something like that. He was chopping some kind of weird bread in his office for a sandwich and it smelled like feet. I didn’t want to stick around.” 

Yuuri shakes his head at him. 

“I hate that bread. It stinks up the whole office for a week,” Yuuri agrees. He lapses into silence, watching him. Phichit just stares back, determined not to back down. He’s not entirely sure why he’s so adamant that he wants to go with Yuuri. But he feels like if he doesn’t, then Yuuri will slip out of his grasp somehow, and he can’t let that happen to his best friend. 

“Let me call my parents and ask if they can set up a room for you. It’s not something we do a lot but we’ve done it before for some guests,” Yuuri says.

“You’re the best,” Phichit says, beaming. Yuuri gives him another searching look but then he shrugs it off and returns to his phone.


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you okay?” Yuuri asks as they board the train to Yuuri’s hometown. Phichit has been changing songs on his phone before any of them can finish. And he keeps looking around, unable to settle down. It’s a bit annoying and more than a little worrying.

“Yeah, I think so,” Phichit says. “Maybe I’m excited for our vacation. I can’t believe I get to go to your hometown!”

“It used to have more tourist stuff to do but that’s shut down over the years,” Yuuri says with a shrug. “Ah, but you’ll like the onsen, and there’s a ninja house we can visit. You’d like that.” 

“Ninja house?! Yuuri, are you secretly a ninja?!” 

“What? No,” Yuuri says, chuckling. 

“That’s what a secret ninja would say,” Phichit says. 

“I guess that’s true,” Yuuri says. “It’s a tourist thing, Phichit-kun. Besides, when would I have time to learn how to be a ninja? I’m always skating.” 

“Oh yeah,” Phichit says. 

Then they arrive at the train station and Phichit physically stops in place at the posters he spies. Yuuri nearly whimpers.

“When did you take this photo?” Phichit demands at seeing the posters of Yuuri plastered all over the train station. “It’s gorgeous and I don’t even have it on my feed. How can you keep something like this from me?” 

“I don’t even remember,” Yuuri says because he tends to forget photoshoots. They’re not his favorite part of being a figure skater. Phichit enjoys them so much more. If Yuuri had his absurd way he would just skate. “Stop taking pictures!” 

“No,” Phichit says. “You’re a bad man, Yuuri. Seriously, whoever did these, they’re a genius. Like, obviously, you’re a handsome guy but you look a million times better in these.” 

“Phichit, no, stop it. I’m boring,” Yuuri says and he’s never been so thankful to see Mari-neechan waving him down. “That’s my sister. We need to get going.” 

“One more,” he says then shouts when Yuuri grabs his arm and hauls him over to Mari-neechan. 

“Wow, you guys look energetic,” Mari-neechan says, with a wry grin. “Welcome back to Japan.” 

“Thanks,” Yuuri says. “Phichit, this is my sister Mari. Mari-neechan, this is Phichit.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Mari-neechan says. “Let’s go. We’ve got to take a longer route since they closed off our usual exit. The road cracked or something after the last storm. It’s really annoying.” 

“You don’t usually come out this way though,” Yuuri points out. 

“Yeah but here I am, for someone, so be quiet,” Mari-neechan says with a smirk and Yuuri pulls a face at her, ignoring Phichit who is badly hiding a fit of giggles behind his hand. 

They’re in the car when Mari-neechan tilts her head back a little to look at Phichit. 

“So what’s this guy been up? He doesn’t tell us enough.” 

“Mari-neechan,” Yuuri protests. He calls once a week. His family knows very well what he’s been up to.

“Honestly, he’s always skating, so that,” Phichit says with a laugh and Yuuri relaxes a little. “Unless you’re asking about partying, in which case, heck yeah, I have so much dirt.” 

“Yeah, those are the stories I want,” Mari-neechan says just as Yuuri slaps his hand over Phichit’s mouth with a “No, no, no, no!” 

He’s so thankful to see Yutopia and to separate the two. Mari-neechan knows too much about him anyway. Damn older sisters. Phichit didn’t have to add to the fire.

“I’m home,” Yuuri says as Phichit marvels over having to remove his shoes and the slippers provided. Yuuri ignores that he’s already taking photos. He’s pretty used to this. 

“Welcome back,” Hiroko says, a wide smile on her face. “Phichit, yes? Thank you for taking care of Yuuri.” 

“Thanks for letting me stay!” Phichit says and he hugs Hiroko. She returns his hug with a tiny giggle, clearly amused by him. “Yuuri didn’t want me to come-” 

“Phichit-kun!” 

“-but I had to!” Phichit finishes, mock glaring at Yuuri. He’s going to turn Hiroko against him, he already knows it. No one is immune to Phichit’s charms. Hiroko looks absolutely delighted with Phichit, blushing a little from the spontaneous hug. 

“He’s very stubborn,” Hiroko says and Yuuri groans and hides his face. This was a bad idea. This was a terrible idea. Why did he let Phichit talk him into this? Why does he let Phichit talk him into anything? 

“I’ve never been to a real onsen before so I’m really excited!” Phichit continues. “Can I take pictures? Is that okay?” 

“Yes, please do,” Hiroko says. “Photos are only prohibited in the bathing areas.” 

Hiroko begins the tourist spiel, which Yuuri tunes out, and Mari-neechan catches his eye with a wink. They can recite it word for word in Japanese and English, plus French, German, and Bulgarian from the days when Hasetsu was a more popular tourist town. 

“This was the best idea,” Phichit declares once Hiroko finishes explaining the meal times. 

“I aired out your room so hopefully it’s not musty anymore,” Hiroko says, beaming at Yuuri, because she doesn’t see him as a failure but as her little boy coming home. Yuuri nods in thanks, because he does appreciate it, even if part of him feels like he deserves the musk for coming back home in disgrace. 

“I want to see your room,” Phichit says. 

“It’s not exciting,” Yuuri says. “Ah, I guess I have nicer posters here? I didn’t want to risk them getting damaged on the trip to the States.” 

“You’re such a fan,” Phichit teases, knowing well who the posters are about. 

“Go unpack,” Yuuri says, shooing him off as Mari shows him to his room, the banquet room being repurposed for his months long stay. Yuuri should be blushing but there’s a cold pit in his stomach as he realizes he’s about to go back to his childhood room, nothing changed and no Vicchan to jump on his bed and greet him. He swallows and walks to his room, figuring it’s better to get it over with. 

Sure enough, his room smells fresh, with clean sheets that Hiroko must have changed out as well. Yuuri throws himself onto the bed and almost wishes they hadn’t cleaned it. There’s no smell of dogs, no bits of fur remaining. He’s not sure which is better. 

He’s going to have to visit their shrine, but even with Vicchan’s ashes there, he’s not sure it’s enough to convince him that his dog is really gone. 

“Dad says dinner will be ready in an hour once he finishes with the customers,” Mari-neechan says, leaning against the door to his room. Her fingers are tapping against her arm, a twitchy habit she has when she wants to smoke but isn’t in a good room for it. 

“Thanks,” Yuuri says, sitting up to respond. 

Mari-neechan searches him for a moment. 

“Good to have you back,” she says. “Minako-sensei is mad that you didn’t compete.” 

“Ah, I bet,” Yuuri says. He’s not looking forward to that conversation. 

“But you graduated,” Mari-neechan points out. 

He hums in agreement, unsure of what Mari-neechan is really asking. And he’s a little afraid to ask her what she really wants to know, what his plans are next. Because he honestly doesn’t know. 

“Mom has been so excited to meet your friend,” Mari-neechan says. “She's been talking about it non-stop since she found out.”

“He's not my first friend,” Yuuri says, a little amused despite himself. He knows what he's like and he's never been good at making friends. The ice has always called him more. But luckily Phichit is like that too. He understands him in this way.

“By the way,” Mari-neechan says, with a shit eating grin on her face, “Is he single? And legal? He looks kind of young.”

“You can't date him,” Yuuri says, flushing a little. He knew she was going to be an ass. But he wasn't quite expecting it to be like this. 

“Sure I can,” she says. “Who says I can't? Did he say he's not interested? Or are you his keeper?”

“You can't date my best friend. That's just weird.”

“How do you think most people end up meeting? You just don't want to share him,” Mari-neechan says.

“Fine, whatever, I don't want to share. Please don't hit on him. This is why I never bring people over.”

“You don't bring people over because you're a figure skating nerd.” 

Yuuri shrugs at the truth of it and she leaves. Mari-neechan is just making up for the years she couldn't shit talk him. She's a good big sister like that. He’s missed her, but he didn't necessarily miss this. As long as Phichit didn't hear it it's all good.

“You should have told her I don't want to date her because I don't like girls like that,” Phichit says, coming in two seconds later from where he was apparently lurking at the door because of course he heard it all. 

“Why didn't you come out and say something?” Yuuri says, bemoaning his life.

“I wanted to see what you would say,” Phichit says with a grin. “I was hoping for something hilarious. You kind of disappointed me, my friend.”

“Oh my god,” Yuuri says. “This was such a bad idea. I should have never brought you along.”

“I'm not going to hit on your sister,” Phichit says. “And this is a great idea. I got to see your face plastered all over the train station, I’m pretty sure your mom is offering to show me all of your baby ice skating stuff, and your sister thinks I’m adorable.”

Yuuri regrets so many of his life choices. 

Phichit jumps onto Yuuri’s bed and looks around, admiring the photos. Yuuri’s walls being covered with Victor isn’t anything new to Phichit but he still feels a little embarrassed. He’s had some of these photos up since he was a junior. 

“I’ve never seen this one before,” Phichit says, pointing to a photo of Victor in his training clothes, with long hair. 

“It’s from a Russian magazine,” Yuuri mumbles. He had to have that one imported and it’d gotten stuck in customs for weeks. 

Phichit nods then looks at Yuuri. 

“I hope you get to skate against him again someday,” he says, knowing full well how much it means to Yuuri. 

“Thanks,” Yuuri murmurs, staring at his socks instead of saying anything more. 

He wants it but at the same time, he already had a chance and he wasted it. What’s the use of asking for another chance? Instead he lets himself be swayed by Phichit’s voice, agreeing to his promise of needing a tour guide plus explaining the finer details of how the onsen works until dinner was ready. 

It’s easier, in a way, to set aside his darker thoughts now that he was back home.

#

The next morning Phichit hears a sound and plods to the door, still more asleep than awake. He opens it to see Yuuri fully dressed. 

“Why are you awake?” Phichit asks him, yawning and rubbing at his eyes. 

“I’m going to the rink,” Yuuri says. “I wasn’t going to wake you up because I thought you wanted to sleep more. It’s a long flight and the jet lag is rough.” 

“No, I want to go with you,” Phichit says. “Wait for me, okay?” 

“Okay,” Yuuri says after a moment and Phichit hurries to get ready. 

He can tell Yuuri is up to something and he wants to be there to witness it. Though he’s glad he woke up, because he’s sure Yuuri would have gone without him, and he wouldn’t have done it to be malicious. 

They’re silent as they jog to the rink, the lettering proclaiming the Ice Castle Hasetsu as their location. Phichit glances at Yuuri to ask him something but Yuuri has a contemplative and serious expression so Phichit stays quiet even as he burns to know what’s going on. 

The woman at the front desk catches sight of them before Yuuri can say anything, and she bounces in place as she greets Yuuri, clearly an old friend judging by the way Yuuri comfortably responds. Her name is Yuuko even as she demands Yuuri call her by some cute nickname.

“Oh! You’re Phichit Chulanont!” Yuuko says before Yuuri can introduce him, and Phichit grins, recognizing that tone. 

“Yup, that’s me!” He says. He loves being recognized. 

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing Thailand’s pride and joy,” Yuuko scolds Yuuri, in English so that Phichit can understand. 

“I told my parents I was bringing a friend, a guest,” Yuuri says, a little confused. Yuuko sighs at him. “What?” 

“Hopeless, I know,” Phichit says. 

“So hopeless,” Yuuko agrees then digs around under the desk for a notepad. “Can I get an autograph before you guys skate? I loved your short program at Worlds last year. It was gorgeous.” 

“Yuuri, I love your hometown,” Phichit says and Yuuri chuckles. 

They go into the locker rooms to get their skates on but before Phichit can step onto the ice, Yuuri squirms and stops him.

“Ah, Phichit, can you wait a minute?” Yuuri asks, eyes not meeting his. “There’s something I want to show Yuuko, something I want to skate for her.” 

“Sure, sure,” Phichit agrees easily. He glances at Yuuko, who is waiting expectantly, but also a little unsure. “Can I record this?” Phichit asks softly. He's fully prepared for the answer to be ‘no’. Yuuri mulls the thought over for a while. Then he gives a single nod. 

“You can record it but please don't post it,” Yuuri says.

“Sure,” Phichit says. He already knows he’s going to regret agreeing to that but he’s pretty sure that Yuuri is only letting him record it because they are friends. He can’t push his luck with this. 

Phichit centers Yuuri in the frame as he positions himself for the opening pose to _Stammi Vicino_. Yuuri has been practicing Victor’s routine since he withdrew from Four Continents and Worlds. Phichit glances at Yuuko, more than a little interested in their past relationship. But he quickly turns his attention to Yuuri, not wanting to miss a moment of this performance. 

He knows that Victor is technical brilliance and that Yuuri will expound at length at the strength of his presentation. Phichit would never deny that Victor is amazing. But there’s something about Yuuri’s skating that is more appealing to him. Even Christophe Giacometti and Cao Bin are more enjoyable to watch at times than Nikiforov; but saying such a thing around Yuuri is tantamount to sacrilege so Phichit saves it for rainy days. 

His attention is on Yuuri but he can see someone out of the corner of his eye recording. He's got a good sense for these things. They look like a pack of kids, 

Yuuko is an appreciative audience, gasping after each jump, and Phichit approves of her approval. Yuuri’s focus is on Yuuko, of course, especially as he draws near the boards and extends his hands towards her. But Phichit’s heart flutters too and he has to fight to keep quiet, aching for something he can’t name or place.

The second Yuuri is done Phichit springs into action. He knows how long videos take to load and buffer but it’s still not something he wants to risk. 

“Who are you guys? What are you doing?” he demands in his scariest voice, laying on the accent as thick as he can. 

The girls, three of them, jump in place. 

“Phichit Chulanont!” They scream in unison and Phichit blinks; he gets recognized at skating events and in Thailand but he wasn’t expecting it to happen here in Yuuri’s hometown. 

“Hold that thought,” he says and snatches the phone, intending to stop the download. The girls scream again but it’s not a happy scream this time. But the phone is all in kanji and Phichit’s eyes widen. Before he can figure out what to do, Yuuri and Yuuko walk over. “Here, turn it off. They were recording you,” Phichit says to Yuuri, who blanches and quickly takes the phone. 

Yuuko quickly begins scolding the girls, taking the other phone and camera away from them. She’s doing the whole finger pointing thing so Phichit feels it’s safe to assume she’s scolding them, at least. 

“Thank you,” Yuuri says, looking so very relieved as he hands Yuuko the phone back. “I don’t know what I would have done. That wasn’t, it isn’t-” 

“Yeah, I get it,” Phichit says, because he does. He would have preferred to post it, of course, but Yuuri isn’t like that. “It was really beautiful. I mean, I know I saw you practicing it, but it wasn’t like that. Victor Nikiforov never could have skated it like that.” 

Yuuri huffs a little, partly in laughter but also partially offended. Phichit doesn’t argue it any further but he was speaking the truth; Yuuri always skates like his very soul is on the ice but he doesn’t seem to realize it himself. What does technical perfection compare to that? 

“Ah, Yuu-chan, it’s fine,” Yuuri says as Yuuko gestures to them both. “They don’t need to apologize.” 

“Sorry!” The girls say in unison, bowing together as one unit. It’s adorable and Phichit can’t help but pat the middle one’s head. 

“It’s okay,” he says, hoping they understand that much. “Just don’t do it again, yeah?” 

“They won’t,” Yuuko promises, and there’s a real threat in her eyes that Phichit is thankful he doesn’t have to deal with. 

“Autograph? Please?” The one in the blue jacket says and Phichit smiles as he accepts the pen. Kids recover so fast. 

“Yuuri didn’t warn you that my girls are huge figure skating fans, did he?” Yuuko asks. 

“I forgot,” Yuuri says, watching with an amused smile as Phichit sticks his tongue out for a photo with the triplets. 

“You would,” Phichit says. After getting Yuuko’s permission, he posts the best of the selfies to his feeds, clicking the follow button the moment the girls like and retweet their photos. It’s funny to hear the excitement happen in real time because they scream about every single thing.

“Okay, we’ll let you guys get to skating,” Yuuko says and shepherds her kids out despite their protests. 

“They’re cute,” Phichit says. “I don’t know how she can handle three of them though.” 

“Yeah, they have a lot of energy,” Yuuri agrees, wiping at his brow. “Where’s my water?” 

Phichit sets his phone down and steps onto the ice, needing to skate after seeing Yuuri’s performance. He waits for him to finish drinking and for Yuuri to join him. 

It’s different to skate with just the two of them. Usually they’re surrounded by other skaters, coaches, and assistants. Here it’s just the two of them, and it seems to make a difference to Yuuri, who freely laughs and talks in between skating.

“I want to post it,” Phichit whines, watching Yuuri skate to Stammi Vicino again. They’re taking a break from skating, sitting side by side on one of the benches, though Yuuri is pointedly looking away from his now. 

“No,” Yuuri says. “You’re just as bad as the triplets.”

“My equipment is so much better than theirs,” he says. “My phone has settings specifically for recording in an ice rink. Did they think to reduce the glare from the ice? Probably not! It would be an insult to post their version especially when mine exists.”

“No one is posting anything!” Yuuri says to him. “That was private. It was just for Yuu-chan.”

“That too,” Phichit says. “I just want you to know that my version is the high quality you deserve, Yuuri. In case you ever decide to change your mind and post it, you know.” 

“Why would I want to do that?” Yuuri asks. 

“Do you know how popular my videos of you skating are? Of course you don’t because you never notice these things,” Phichit says. “I mean it helps that you don’t post your own videos so people have to come to me to get that sweet Yuuri Katsuki skating goodness.” 

Yuuri blinks at him. 

“Talking to you is pointless,” Phichit declares. 

Yuuri shrugs.

“So this is where you learned how to skate?” Phichit asks, drinking in the sight. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri says. He’s a little nervous, probably because he wants Phichit’s approval of the place. “It’s not the nicest, and I know the rink we have in Detroit is better. But I love the windows and they’ve actually worked really hard at maintaining it.” 

“It’s pretty,” Phichit says, unsure of what to actually say. He wants to say that he understands why Yuuri likes it, because there’s something about the solitude of having the rink to himself that is probably very appealing to someone like Yuuri. Phichit is used to the mayhem of ice rinks in malls and the perpetually busy rink at the university. “It suits you.” 

“Sorry it’s so small,” Yuuri says. 

“It’s a good size for two people,” Phichit says. “Okay, after my runthrough, jump battle!” 

#

“Look at Penelope. She’s so cute. I miss you, baby,” Phichit coos into his phone. Ava is a pairs skater and she had agreed to watch Phichit’s hamsters along with daily updates. He trusts her but it’s not the same as being there with them. “I should have snuck you onto the plane. Can hamsters be emotional support animals?” 

“Um, no.” Yuuri gives Phichit a flat look. He’s impatiently waiting for them to go down to take their evening soak though he understands of course how important it is that Phichit sees his fur babies are okay. “I’m pretty sure hamsters aren’t meant to go on airplanes.” 

“Well of course I’m not going to risk their safety,” Phichit says, indignant. “What are you implying Yuuri Katsuki?” 

“I can see the hamsters getting their own seat,” Yuuri says dryly. “Each.” 

“My babies do only deserve the best,” Phichit says with a wink. 

Yuuri groans but thankfully he knows that Phichit is mostly joking. Phichit sets his phone back down to charge, still pouting a little that he can’t take photos in the bath. It’s absolutely gorgeous there, designed to be peaceful and to put someone at ease. He could take the best photos there. But Yuuri had forbidden him and for once it wasn’t just him being an oddball, there were signs written in multiple languages all over the place. 

Phichit sinks into the water with an unearthly groan. He never wants to leave. He doesn’t understand how Yuuri willingly left this for Detroit which has snow. 

“I need to steal this somehow. Maybe install one for the ice rink. I’m never leaving here.” 

“Who are you talking to?” Yuuri asks as he arrives, tilting his head but smiling at him. 

“Myself,” Phichit says and makes sure to meets Yuuri’s eyes as he turns to him and to not let his gaze drift any further downward. He’s used to Yuuri walking around naked and totally at ease in their room, though somewhere along the line he unfortunately started picking up on American prudity and began dressing before leaving the shower. 

But here Yuuri has no such reservations and he’s back to his old habits. It shouldn’t be such a big deal but Phichit has to physically fight himself not to admire Yuuri’s body, because he’s never been subtle about his appreciation of a fine ass male form. 

“Ah, my towel,” Yuuri says and turns around to grab it, which lets Phichit shamelessly ogle his butt. He sighs and then uses his hands to physically force his head away before Yuuri can return. 

“Um. Are you okay?” Yuuri says as he swings his legs into the onsen. Phichit counts to ten before he opens his eyes. 

“I was saying before, we need to find a way to steal this onsen and bring it back to Detroit.” 

Yuuri laughs as he relaxes, all the way down to his chin, soaking without reservations. 

“We’d all fight for it. Ah but maybe we could bribe people too with it. Give us your rink time and we’ll give you our onsen time.” 

“I’m not sharing any of my times,” Phichit says with a glare. 

Yuuri laughs again then they lapse again into comfortable silence. He’s used to this, especially around midterms and finals time, when they’re both occupied with studying or recovering after a particularly brutal training session. 

“I wish you would come with me to _The Ice_ ,” Phichit murmurs. 

“You’ll do good,” Yuuri says, as if that’s the concern here. 

“You’re so dumb,” Phichit says and Yuuri only wrinkles his nose at him, unconcerned with the insult. 

He wants Yuuri to be skating alongside him in the ice show, to be working towards a new year, not just aimlessly loafing about. It’s nice that Yuuri still works out and skates with him, but he can feel the difference between in season Yuuri and off season Yuuri. “They wanted you to go more, you know? I’m just your substitute.”

“You’re Thailand’s premier skater; you’re not a substitute for anyone,” Yuuri says with a fond eye roll. 

“Why can’t you say that kind of nice stuff the rest of the time?” Phichit asks. 

“I compliment your skating all the time?” Yuuri asks. 

“Not about that,” Phichit says. At Yuuri’s confused look he rolls his eyes and gives up on it. He’s too relaxed right now to try to argue. “Whatever. Oh, that thing your dad made for dinner? That was amazing.”

“Ah, yeah, he’s a really good cook,” Yuuri says. “My favorite is the katsudon. The tonkatsu he made today is pretty good too though.” 

“I haven’t eaten that one yet, have I?” 

“No, probably not,” Yuuri says. 

“Let’s have it when I come back,” Phichit says, wiggling his toes, all the aches and strains gone from his legs. It feels like paradise. 

“Ah, no, I don’t really,” Yuuri struggles. Phichit stops and stares at him. Yuuri takes a breath. “I usually only eat it when I win a competition. And I haven’t won anything. So I haven’t-” 

“Really, Yuuri?” Phichit asks, with an eyeroll. “If it’s your favorite you should eat it! It’s not a big deal.” 

“Well, I mean, it’s a really rich dish and I have to watch my weight,” Yuuri explains. 

“Oh. Wow, that actually makes sense,” Phichit says. 

“What does that mean?” Yuuri asks dryly. 

“It means you’re a weirdo,” Phichit says, unsurprised when Yuuri flicks water at him. “Hey, not allowed! The signs say no splashing!” 

“Oops, I didn’t see them,” Yuuri says and Phichit lets out a peal of laughter at Yuuri’s straight face. He cracks after Phichit though. 

“Ugh, I’ve gotten used to my evening soak. One week without it is going to be torture,” Phichit complains, resisting getting out even though he knows he’s pruned. He wouldn’t be surprised if his balls were too. 

“It’s fun. I always liked _The Ice_ ,” Yuuri says. “You’re going to take so many pictures.” 

“I bet they would still accept you if you came with me,” Phichit says, splashing water at Yuuri. 

“They would not,” Yuuri says with a laugh, dodging out of the way to avoid getting splashed in the face. “They’d kick me out in a heartbeat. You know how long those shows take to plan? And I already told my mom I would help her with the shopping for the onsen tomorrow.” 

“Using your cute mom against me is illegal,” Phichit says, though he knows that Yuuri is telling the truth. Hiroko had explained to him about needing to find a new supplier for their linens since their current partner was moving to a different prefecture. 

“It’s the only way I can win,” Yuuri says. He sighs then hauls himself out of the water, thankfully not seeing Phichit’s wide eyes as he suddenly gets a faceful of ass. “You should get out soon. I don’t want to deal with the Thailand government getting mad at me that their best figure skater drowned in a hot spring in Japan.” 

“They’d send a hitman after you,” Phichit tries to joke but it doesn’t come out as slick as he intended. “To avenge me.” 

Yuuri chuckles and wraps his towel around his neck, uncaring that his dick is just fucking hanging there. Who even does that to someone else? It’s crazy. 

Phichit swallows and keeps his eyes firmly on the ground. A week away won’t be a bad idea.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s quiet without Phichit at Ice Castle. Yuuri is used to the two of them getting up every morning to come and skate. It’s too empty in the rink by himself and Yuuri’s feet yearn to move, to some unknown song he keeps fighting to reach. Retirement still sounds ugly to him but at the same time, returning to Detroit doesn’t feel like the right option. He doesn’t know what he wants but he does know that he’s a little jealous of Phichit, who can command and inspire such large crowds of people. 

He likes everything that Phichit posts as usual, but this time it’s with an odd ache, like he should have taken up Phichit’s invitation. The producers of the ice show probably wouldn’t have let him skate but he still could have gone to be in the audience and to support Phichit. That’s probably what he really wanted anyway and now Yuuri feels like a jerk for not having realized this sooner. 

It’s a mystery to him sometimes why Phichit wants to hang out with him because he does this a lot, gets wrapped up in a stupid idea and doesn’t see the rest of the picture. There are a lot of other people who aren’t as dumb as Yuuri but then again, they are both figure skaters, so that’s probably the biggest thing in his favor. 

But if he retires what is he then? 

Yuuri comes to a slow stop, barely a whisper on the ice. That’s what he came home to figure out, isn’t it? Yuuri starts skating again, tracing figures into the ice, body on autopilot. He loves skating, loves the ice, loves competing. But he can’t compete forever; his body can’t handle that. And at any time he can be injured and out of competition forever. Maybe even off the ice forever. 

Yuuri doesn’t want that. He wants to be able to skate for years and years to come. He should have gone with Phichit to _The Ice_ , if even just to watch the other skaters. But they’re beginning to debut their new programs for the competition year now. Yuuri has none of that but he still has plenty of time to create new programs. 

Yuuri laughs at himself silently as it clicks. He doesn’t want to see programs he won’t compete against because that’s what he wants and seeing them will only make him jealous. 

Yuuri looks out at the foyer where there’s a case of medals, certificates, and trophies from his novice and junior days. There’s some from Yuuko and Nishigori too, as well some of the younger kids who are beginning to skate competitively. But the majority of them are Yuuri’s from when he first started competing. 

He takes a break and slots his blade guards on, going over to take a closer look at them. Most of the time he forgets about them, but he can still remember the day that Nishigori’s father, who ran the rink before, asked if he could display some of his awards. He’d already been a junior by then. 

And he’d been so embarrassed because not all of them are gold. There’s a good mix in the collection though, Yuuri notes now as he looks through. Yes, there’s lots of bronzes and silvers, but there are a lot of golds and first places too. He had no need to be ashamed. 

Yuuri has no need to be ashamed now. He made it to the Grand Prix Final. He failed at winning the Nationals title but he was fourth. Once upon a time he would have been ecstatic at that placement. 

Yuuri heads back to the ice, determined now. He needs to call Celestino and talk to him or at least text him and ask when a good time to talk will be. He has a lot to do and not that much time left to get two programs together that will win everything this year. 

#

The day after Phichit returns from the ice shows is when Phichit joins Yuuri at the family shrine.

“Do you want me to leave?” Phichit asks as he sits on his knees and Yuuri shakes his head. It will always hurt a little. But he’s wanted to introduce Phichit to Vicchan since he became friends with him. This isn’t how he intended the meeting to go but this is all he can do. 

“I got him as a puppy,” Yuuri says. “I saw an interview with Victor and Makkachin. That’s where Vicchan got his name from.” 

“That’s too cute,” Phichit says. 

“He followed me everywhere. Mom used to tell me not to let him sleep on the bed with me but I think she gave up on that really quick. The customers loved him too.” Yuuri took a deep breath. “He would come with me to Ice Castle all the time and nap; I put him on the ice one time and he slid all over the place. He didn’t like the ice much after that.” 

“Oh my god, that’s hilarious,” Phichit says with a small laugh. “Who even had that idea?” 

“I think it was me. I wanted to skate with my dog,” Yuuri admits with a small smile. “I’m pretty sure Yuuko thought it was a bad idea but we were young and stupid so who even knows anymore.” 

“I thought you had a crush on her,” Phichit says. He switches to sitting cross legged.

Yuuri chokes a little. He clears his throat. 

“I mean, yeah, kind of? I think it was more like I just really admired her. We were little. And she started dating Nishigori. I was always too busy skating. Ah, but Yuuko used to skate too, and she was really good. We all competed a bit when we were younger.” 

“Why did they stop?” Phichit asks. 

Yuuri shrugs. 

“I dunno. Money, I think was a factor. Our coach left since they stopped competing. And there’s a lot of really talented girls in figure skating here. I don’t think Yuuko placed high enough in her bigger competitions to make it worth it for her to keep on competing.” 

“Yeah, that always sucks,” he says. Phichit looks at the altar then back at Yuuri. “It would have been more fun to have you there.” 

“You had fun,” Yuuri says. “I saw the pictures.” 

“Yeah but it would have been more fun with you,” Phichit says and Yuuri pretends to sigh as he gets up, Phichit following him. “Seriously, people kept asking me why you weren’t there. They said you always come to _The Ice_.” 

“Maybe I should have gone,” Yuuri allows as they get their stuff together to head to Ice Castle. “But it’s too late now anyway.” 

“Next year,” Phichit vows and Yuuri stumbles a little, because he doesn’t know what next year will entail. And who knows if Phichit will still be in his life like this at that point. It definitely won’t be as classmates, roommates, and rinkmates. Yuuri has graduated now. 

Phichit doesn’t notice though and when they arrive at Ice Castle, Yuuko watches as Yuuri puts his skates on, Phichit in the bathroom. She has something she wants to say to him though Yuuri is pretty sure they’ve been cleaning up after themselves at night so he doesn’t know why he’s in trouble. 

“You seem a little busier,” Yuuko says, referring to the onsen. 

“Huh? I guess we have been. It is summer time though,” Yuuri says. He hasn’t been home in five years so he’s not sure what the usual numbers are. They do seem busy everyday though. 

“Well, Phichit-kun has been posting a lot about it? The girls were complaining the other day that he’s just posting a lot of food pictures. But they’re used to eating there so it’s not special to them and I told them to stop complaining,” Yuuko explains. 

Yuuri smiles a little but doesn’t think about it further. Phichit is always taking photos and blogging. Yuuri is more passive, he just likes most things, and he rarely posts, even to his official twitter. He doesn’t really do anything interesting like Phichit nor does he know how to spin things to make them seem super interesting. 

“I heard my name,” Phichit remarks as he leaves the bathroom. “I hope you were saying good things about me.” 

“Of course,” Yuuri says. “The triplets think you’re posting too much about the onsen. But they’re used to it so it’s not interesting to them.” 

Phichit laughs as they enter the locker rooms and switch out shoes for skates. 

“Your mom said that she’ll let me take pictures of the onsen next time it’s empty for cleaning. And your dad was saying that all my blogging is bringing in people so he wants me to do a series on the kitchen. That would be great, wouldn’t it?” 

“Wait what?” Yuuri asks. 

“Yeah! Not really anyone from too far away yet because those trips take more time to plan obviously. But he said someone came from Nigata based on my twitter and he says that’s far. They were very nice people too! But their accents were super thick, even your dad had trouble understanding them.” 

Part of Yuuri is thrilled and the other part feels guilty. He tries to promote the onsen but it’s hard for him. It’s not something he’s good at it and it always feels awkward. But this kind of stuff comes much more naturally to Phichit and he doesn’t have to do it, but he’s making the effort still. 

“Ah, thanks,” Yuuri says, mumbling when he should be speaking clearly. 

“I had a lot of travel bloggers follow me so maybe we could meet up with some of them,” Phichit says. He sets his phone down on the boards and stretches his arms. “There’s a bunch of them who just go around Japan and explore all the little towns and provinces, I think they’re called? I think it could be fun.” 

“You think so?” Yuuri asks, unsure. Meeting new people is always stressful and honestly he doesn’t really care. 

“Yeah! Let me set it up and we can figure it out from there?” Phichit says. 

“Mm, okay,” Yuuri says, and at least this much he’s used to, agreeing to some proposal of Phichit’s that he could have never thought of on his own. He can’t go out and do things like this, but he can happily go by Phichit’s side. 

Yuuri smiles as they skate onto the ice, watching as Phichit brightens at being on the ice. 

“What?” Phichit asks, at seeing Yuuri’s look. 

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Yuuri says. “Was I staring? Sorry.” 

“As long as there’s nothing on my ass or something,” Phichit says with a laugh even as Yuuri has to tear his gaze away now that Phichit said it. 

“Probably not,” Yuuri says, thought the answer is definitely not, because he was looking. Why was he even looking? He shakes his head and tries to focus on skating, though it takes longer than usual to get into the headspace. He keeps looking over at Phichit, just enjoying watching him on the ice, his heart light as he does so. 

He supposes he’s just glad that his friend is here but there’s something nagging at his brain that it’s more than that. And he can’t understand what more there could be. 

Phichit stumbles coming out a jump and Yuuri watches as he shakes the failure off, grinning when he sees that Yuuri saw it. 

“Oh,” Yuuri says softly.

There’s a reason that he’s always glad to see Phichit, that his best friend came along with him to his home, that he can bat away some of his darkest thoughts when he’s around him. 

He likes Phichit. 

#

Yuuri is deep in thought, probably, and Phichit keeps meaning to make random comments but finds they die in his mouth at Yuuri’s look of concentration. 

“What are you skating out there?” Phichit asks when Yuuri stops to get a drink of water.

“Nothing,” Yuuri stammers and Phichit knows his guess was correct. 

He smirks a little and skates up to Yuuri, getting in his space as much as possible. It drives Yuuri crazy when he does it but he doesn’t tell him to stop, which is weird because Phichit would definitely stop if Yuuri asked. 

“It looks like a step sequence, but not quite long enough for a free program, so I’d have to guess it’s for a short.”

“I haven’t decided anything yet,” Yuuri says defensively. He doesn’t like hearing the word ‘retirement’ but Phichit can’t figure out what the hell is going on in his head. A figure skater without a coach can’t exactly compete. And as far as Phichit knows Yuuri still hasn’t set up a new contract with Celestino. 

Phichit takes a few steps back and shrugs. He wants Yuuri to keep skating, but that’s a choice entirely up to Yuuri. He doesn’t think Yuuri is ready to quit yet though, not the way he practices and trains. 

“I’m just saying, maybe Yuuri Katsuki is still a threat I have to watch out for on the Grand Prix circuit,” Phichit says, half teasing and half desperately wishing it to be true. 

“Don’t,” Yuuri says shortly and looks down at the ice then skates to the other side of the rink. 

Phichit leaves him alone, unsurprised to see Yuuri start a round of figures soon after because that’s what Yuuri is like. He’s got an actual regimen to stick to since Celestino is checking in on him every couple of days, skyping once a week so he can physically see the progress of his skate, in addition to the videos Phichit sends him. 

Between Yuuri, Yuuko, Nishigori, and the triplets, Phichit has plenty of people who can video tape him and he appreciates it, because it lets him focus on just skating. He can’t trust Celestino to video tape properly, he forgets half the time to turn it on and his angles are always weird, not to mention the perpetual fuzziness in his videos. 

“I’m going to get a drink. Do you want one?” Yuuri says after a while, gesturing to the vending machines outside of the rink.

“Sure,” Phichit says, accepting it for the apology that it is. Sometimes he’s too pushy but sometimes Yuuri’s snappish. “I like that tea Yuuko gave us last time.” 

“Got it,” Yuuri says, and Phichit doesn’t miss the way he’s clutching onto his phone. 

He doesn’t think anything of it until he realizes how long it’s taking Yuuri to return. Low key worried that Yuuri’s been abducted by overly passionate figure skating fans, he slots his blade guards on and goes out to find him. 

Yuuri’s on the phone outside, focused as he speaks, and Phichit means to leave him when he recognizes Celestino’s voice coming from the speaker. He doesn’t mean to peek and spy but he lingers until Yuuri hangs up with a sigh and tilts his head up to look at the sky.

“That sounded like Celestino?” Phichit asks. 

Yuuri drops his phone like it's burned him. He sighs in relief as he catches it.

“All I said was that it sounded like Celestino. What were you talking about with him? Was I not supposed to hear it? Are you two having a secret affair behind my back? Yuuri, I'm shocked!”

“What? No,” Yuuri stares at him like he's crazy. “Don't say that so loud. Mari-neechan will hear you. And she'll never let me hear the end of it.”

“Yeah, she wouldn't,” Phichit laughs. 

“It wasn't anything bad,” Yuuri says. He averts his eyes though and flushes a little. “I was asking him about writing up a new contract.”

Phichit nearly hits the ceiling in his excitement. 

“Yes! I knew you wouldn’t leave me like that! Roomies! Roommates again!”

“Calm down,” Yuuri says with a laugh. “I still have to figure that part out. I can’t be in a dorm since I already graduated so I’ll probably have to get an apartment-” 

“Yeah, let’s get an apartment!” Phichit says. “Dorms are lame anyway.” 

Yuuri blinks at him.

“I, you don’t have to come with me? The dorms are nice. And I still have to look around for apartments. Celestino said he would help me out-” 

“Yeah, but I want to. Don’t you want to be roommates again?” Phichit asks, a little worried that he’s accidentally invited himself along. Usually it’s not a big deal but this is a little more serious than just dragging Yuuri along to lunch over his protests. 

“If you want to?” Yuuri offers, awkward, and Phichit nearly smacks himself at the pair of them. 

“Yeah, if you’re cool with it?” Phichit says. 

Yuuri sighs in relief. 

“Yeah, I would,” he says. “I didn’t know how to ask you. And I wasn’t sure if you would want to move when the dorms are so close to the university-” 

“You get me and my hamsters,” Phichit says seriously. “That’s a rare thing, Yuuri. I’m not about to give it up.” 

Yuuri chuckles as he hands Phichit his drink. 

#

“What are you going to skate today?” Phichit calls out as he takes another lap around the rink. 

“I don’t know,” Yuuri says. There’s something to be said for having a coach to keep him on a good schedule and routine. He has a lot of work to do on his routines, and it’s easy to see the difference in the two months of difference that Phichit has over him. But Yuuri has made his decision now and they leave for Detroit again in a week. “I guess my short program.” 

“Okay. I’ll work on my free then,” Phichit says. 

Phichit has been curiously mum about his programs this year, not playing the music for him the second he decides, but Yuuri had figured it was because he wasn’t sure yet if Yuuri was still competing or not. 

Yuuri stops his own skating to watch Phichit’s runthrough. He frowns though because it’s too disjointed even for a rough piece. Phichit nearly trips over his own blades during the step sequence, something that shouldn’t be an issue this late in the learning of it. 

“Was that your free program?” Yuuri asks. 

“The start of it, yeah,” Phichit says. He wipes away the sweat on his forehead, looking at the ice thoughtfully. “I don't know if it's going to work for me though. It feels too soft right now.”

“Do you mean too slow?” Yuuri asks. He doesn't point out that a free program is much longer than a short program, which is where Phichit excels, since he can afford to spend that high energy that he loves to skate to.

“No, that's not it. I've skated long programs before that are slow. I know what that feels like.” Phichit bites his lip as he tries to find the words. “I don't know how to describe it. It's kind of like when you jump into a bed and you expect it to be soft but then it's hard? Does that make any sense?”

“Sort of?” Yuuri says. He understands the gist of it but the finer details are escaping him. “Can you skate it again for me?”

“Yeah, maybe you can figure out what's wrong with it,” Phichit says. “The song is still being edited but I have a demo of it.”

Phichit sets up the audio for him. Yuuri smiles as the first chords of The King and The Skater start to play. Phichit's been talking about wanting to skate to these for a while. He can't describe how happy he is that he's going to see Phichit skate to these songs. It’s going to be an experience he’s never going to forget.

It’s more than just Phichit learning his free program though. There is something decidedly off about the movements. Usually Phichit is animated and energetic but here he seems to just be struggling to get the movements down. 

“What are you doing with your arms?” Yuuri asks first though. 

“Cooking,” Phichit says, frowning at him. “What do you mean, what am I doing with my arms? I’m skating, of course.” 

“It doesn’t match.” Yuuri shakes his head. “Actually, none of it suits you. It’s not your style at all.” 

“Well, I mean, it is a bit different than my usual stuff. I want to try to experiment and broaden, you know?” 

“You sound like Celestino,” Yuuri says but it’s not meant to be a compliment. “Who choreographed it?” 

“Alyssa,” Phichit says, and Yuuri nods. She’s Celestino’s first pick for choreography and while she’s very good, it’s not working for Phichit this time around. 

“Well,” Yuuri says. “It’s not all bad. But the steps don’t suit you at all. I like the first part of the combination spin and the jump placements are all good. Maybe we can just work on those and like, fix them for you?” 

“Yuuri, are you choreographing for me?” Phichit asks with a grin. 

“No, of course not,” Yuuri says with a laugh. He doesn’t have that level of skill yet. But he pauses, because if this is his last year of skating, then he doesn’t have time to develop that skill. And choreography is something he could move into after a skating career. “I mean, not technically, Alyssa did most of it. I’m just helping you with one part. And I know what your step sequences are like plus how to push you forward.” 

“That sounds like choreography and coaching. Celestino has competition,” Phichit teases. 

“No way,” Yuuri laughs but now that Phichit has said it, he can tell it’s going to stick in his brain. “Okay, where’s my notebook, I need to write stuff down. You started with a quad toe loop right?” 

“Yeah, I sort of want it in combination but Celestino thinks I should start out with a single,” Phichit says. 

“I’m not arguing with Celestino over your jumps,” Yuuri says. He has that struggle enough with his own. “Walk me through the choreography.” 

It’s a lot like coaching, from what Yuuri can tell, but he keeps that thought to himself. The session goes by quick though and the program is starting to look more like something Phichit could skate his soul out to. If Phichit is going to skate to his favorite movie’s songs then it can’t be anything less than perfect. 

They’re skating to cool down, Phichit taking longer since he was doing more of the actual figure skating, but Yuuri lingers on the ice, not wanting to get off. He has something he has to confess to Phichit but it had all depended on if he was returning to Detroit with him or not. Now that his plans are confirmed, all that’s left is to ask Phichit a simple question, but that’s the most terrifying part. 

“Hey, Phichit?” Yuuri asks, swallowing his fear. 

“What’s up?” Phichit asks and skates right up to him. He’s so close that Yuuri can see the drops of sweat running down the side of his head. Yuuri wants to wipe it away, to touch him, to do something. But first he has to ask. 

“I’m...glad you came to Hasetsu with me,” Yuuri murmurs. He’s going to chicken out, fuck. 

“Yeah, me too!” Phichit says with a bright smile, beautiful and dazzling. “I like seeing where you got your start. You should come with me to Thailand next year during our off season. I can show you where I learned to skate!” 

Yuuri nods because he can’t think about one year into the future when he can barely handle what’s happening now in the present. He takes a deep breath and then nearly smashes his head into Phichit’s as he bows. 

“Please go out with me!” 

There’s a moment of silence and Yuuri wants to lift his head but at the same time he absolutely refuses to. Phichit is going to say they’re just friends and Yuuri is going to have the most awkward year in Detroit. Oh god, he’s probably going to ask to change roommates and never look at Yuuri again. He’s fucked this up so bad. 

“Yuuri, I, please stand back up?” Phichit says and Yuuri shoots up, unsure of what that response is. Phichit is beaming, a little hesitant, but it’s enough to send hope back into Yuuri’s heart. “Do you like me?” 

“Yeah,” Yuuri mumbles. He can’t look at Phichit and he tries to focus on staring at the ice, wringing his hands together, anything else. 

Phichit’s skates shift and he takes Yuuri’s hands. 

“I didn’t think you would ask me. I was going to ask you out. Like, seriously, I had plans already. I can’t believe you beat me to it,” Phichit says, running his thumb over the back of Yuuri’s hand. 

“You were going to ask me out?” Yuuri repeats softly, in disbelief. 

“Why do you sound so surprised by that?” Phichit asks with a laugh. Yuuri shrugs, his brain filled with the way Phichit is holding his hands. He wants to know what it feels like when they aren’t wearing gloves. “I was going to wait until we were back in Detroit. Maybe. I was kind of nervous about it.” 

“You don’t get nervous about much,” Yuuri says, smiling. 

“What? Of course I do. You see me freak out every time finals come around. And midterms. And any essays.” 

“But that’s school,” Yuuri corrects. He looks at Phichit now, and he’s never seen him like this, his whole face filled with something bright and pure. Yuuri did that. His heart aches and Phichit is talking again, but all Yuuri wants to do is kiss him now that he’s allowed. 

“Oh,” Phichit interrupts himself with a gasp as he realizes what’s about to happen, and he tilts his head up so he can meet Yuuri’s lips.

It’s cold at first from the rink but then warmth returns to their lips. Phichit lets go of his hands to wrap them around Yuuri’s waist, drawing them closer together. Yuuri takes the chance to cup Phichit’s face, rubbing at his cheekbones with his thumbs the way he wanted to earlier. 

It lasts forever and a few seconds. When they break apart, Phichit’s lips are wet from Yuuri, and all Yuuri can think about is doing it again. Phichit beats him to it with a little peck on his lips but he draws away before Yuuri can deepen it. 

“That was better than I had dreamed about,” Phichit says, a little out of breath. 

“Did you really dream about me?” Yuuri asks. 

“Oh yeah,” Phichit says. “But usually the kiss was just the start.” 

Yuuri breaks into a laugh at the lewd look on Phichit’s face, and he knows he’s blushing, but he’s so happy right now he can’t bring himself to care. He wants to spin them around, to dance across the ice with him, but Phichit is already exhausted. 

“Let’s go back,” Yuuri says. 

“To finish?” Phichit asks and Yuuri flushes. 

“I-I mean, probably not tonight, but more kissing would be good, right?” 

“Definitely,” Phichit says, and reaches up for another quick kiss. “Can we kiss in the onsen?” 

“No,” Yuuri says automatically before pausing. “Well. Maybe? I don’t know.” 

“To be determined, got it. I’ll ask your mom,” Phichit says as he snaps on his skate guards, handing Yuuri his. 

“Don’t you dare,” Yuuri says. 

“I’ll ask Mari,” Phichit says with a wicked grin. 

“Ah, sorry, I just remembered, there’s definitely no kissing in the onsen. Banned for life for thinking about it,” Yuuri says. 

“No!” 

Yuuri foolishly considers the matter settled as they pack up and head back home. 

“Yuuri and I are dating now!” Phichit exclaims the moment they step into Yu-topia. 

Yuuri covers his face. 

“Oh, that makes sense,” Mari-neechan says, poking her head into the room, and Yuuri wants to die. “Hey, Mom, guess what?” 

“Don’t tell her,” Yuuri cries out and Phichit just laughs like the terror that he is. 

“Why not? She likes Phichit-kun,” Toshiya says with a chuckle. He turns to Phichit and gives him a thumbs up. “Good job!” 

“One parent blessing down, one to go! Where’s the other one?” Phichit says, taking off after Mari-neechan. 

“Phichit, no!” Yuuri says, following even while knowing it’s too late. Even past the embarrassment though, he’s deliriously happy, and he knows he’s got a stupid grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://omtivi.tumblr.com/post/178779815945/my-pieces-for-liveloveyoibang-art


	4. Chapter 4

“Home at last!” Phichit declares as he leaves his suitcases by the door and flops onto his bed. He breathes in then flips over. The only thing missing are his hamsters but they’re going to pick them up tomorrow. 

Yuuri smiles at him and actually takes his suitcases to the side of his room, but he doesn’t move to unpack them. 

“Hey, what are you doing?” Phichit asks as Yuuri sits down on his bed. 

“Sitting?” Yuuri asks, confused. 

“Come sit here with me,” Phichit demands, holding his arms out for Yuuri. 

Yuuri flushes but they’re boyfriends now. They’re allowed to do things like cuddle. And Phichit definitely wants to cuddle right now. He has just enough time to panic before Yuuri comes over, hesitant as he curls into his side. Phichit lets his hands rest on Yuuri’s head and hip, easy and comfortable like they’ve always done this. He presses a kiss to his hair. 

“I might fall asleep like this,” Yuuri murmurs, and there’s a beautiful note of contentment in his voice. And Phichit did that. He barely did anything but hold Yuuri the way he’s always wanted to but he did it. 

“Me too,” Phichit says. “It’ll be nice. You don’t seem like you kick in your sleep.” 

Yuuri is quiet for a moment. 

“You seem like you would kick me off the bed in your sleep,” he says, teasing. 

“Yuuri! How could you accuse me of such a thing!” Phichit says, scandalized. He’s totally a bed hog; and a blanket hog. “Will you sleep with me at night?” 

“We could,” Yuuri says, unsure. 

“We don’t have to right away,” Phichit says. 

“Okay,” Yuuri says after a moment. He looks up at him. “It sounds nice though. So, maybe soon, but not tonight?” 

“I got it,” Phichit says, and nuzzles his nose into Yuuri’s hair again, delighting in the little laugh Yuuri gives. 

They stayed wrapped together, legs entwined and tangled. Phichit wants to stay like this but he draws away. 

“I'm going to fall asleep soon,” he apologizes. 

“Ah, right,” Yuuri says. He rolled off the bed and stands up to stretch. “Do you want to shower first?”

“How about we shower together?” Phichit says with a wink and a smile. Sure enough Yuuri laughs. “You can go first. I take longer than you.” 

“I've seen you take short showers so I don't know what your excuse is,” Yuuri says. Phichit isn't sure if he means from after training or from the onsen. 

“Go get wet and naked,” Phichit says, making a shooing motion with his hands. He vaguely regrets his word of choice but Yuuri only shakes his head at him, not at all fussed. 

As much as he wants Yuuri to sleep in the same bed as him, he is exhausted after all the traveling, and they both fall asleep the moment their heads hit the pillow. Yuuri wakes up first in the morning and blessedly does not wake Phichit up. He lets him roll out of bed by mid-afternoon, not commenting on his clearly jet-lagged expression. It's not a good look on him, Phichit knows it.

“Good morning,” Phichit says and he leans over to give Yuuri a kiss. He means for it to be on the cheek but Yuuri turns with an expectant face and meets his lips. “A very good morning!” 

“What?” Yuuri asks with a laugh, a little nervous. “Was that not okay?” 

“No, it was good! I want that every morning now. Please pencil me in for a good morning kiss everyday,” Phichit says. 

“I dunno. My schedule is pretty packed,” Yuuri teases and Phichit presses his hands to his chest. 

“How dare you. My innocent heart. I knew your playboy ways would ruin me.” 

“Playboy?” Yuuri can barely get the word out, he’s laughing too hard. 

He sits down for lunch, noting with great thanks that Yuuri went out to buy something.

“We're not meant to train today but do you still want to go to the rink and just skate around?” Yuuri asks him.

“Celestino will murder us,” Phichit says. “So yeah, I do, absolutely.”

If they were training it would be brutal. But if they're going just to enjoy the ice that's different. Phichit gives a giddy little smile at the thought of skating with his boyfriend again. This is going to be his new normal. He can barely contain how excited he is about it.

Sure enough Celestino glares at them when he sees them.

“I just want to skate,” Phichit says. He's too old for puppy dog eyes but he still gives it a good shot. 

“We're not jumping or training or anything,” Yuuri says, older but somehow still more effective at the pitiable look. “We just want to feel the ice under our feet again.”

“You two are going to be why my hair goes gray,” Celestino says, which is basically permission.

“I'm like 100% sure that Celestino dyes his hair,” Phichit says. “I need to find proof though.”

“There's an American expression about thin ice,” Yuuri says with a bright smile. 

“I hate that expression,” Phichit says even though he can’t actually remember it. “Come on, let’s get our skates on. I think we should have gone to another rink. Celestino wouldn’t have yelled at us then.” 

“Yeah but this one is free for us,” Yuuri points out. “And we know it. And we haven’t been here in months.” 

Phichit pulls a face at him but follows Yuuri to change into their skates. He can feel Celestino’s gaze like a dagger in his back but he ignores it to skate with Yuuri, excitedly talking about the upcoming year and how he plans to make history with his programs. Yuuri’s programs are still much more rough and in a rare move, he’s having a song commissioned for his free skate. He’s never had that done before even though Phichit vaguely remembers hearing Yuuri mention that he wanted to do that someday. 

It’s perfect up until Phichit goes to kiss Yuuri on the cheek when they stop to wipe their blades off of the built up ice. Yuuri ducks away and Phichit blinks. 

“Did you just run away from me kissing you?” He asks.

“We can’t do that in public,” Yuuri says, scandalized. 

“Why not?” Phichit asks. “Am I a secret boyfriend? Do you have another one hiding somewhere in Canada?” 

“What? No!” Yuuri shakes his head. “But kissing in public? You don’t, we can’t do that.” 

Phichit stares at him. 

“Is this a Yuuri thing? Or a Japanese thing? Because my cousin doesn’t kiss her boyfriend in public so I guess I get that. We’re in America though. It’s different here.” 

“Uh. I don’t know?” Yuuri shrugs and his look dart around the rink. “Can we talk about this at home?” 

“No, I want to talk about it now. Why won’t you kiss me? Are you ashamed of me?” Phichit asks. 

“No! No, of course not!” Yuuri exclaims, hurt in his eyes. “But we can’t do that. I can hug you? Probably?” 

“Probably?!” Phichit glares at him. “What the hell, Yuuri? Are we dating or not?” 

“I...thought so?” he says, tilting his head a little. Then he shakes his head again. “Can we please talk about this at home?” 

“I don’t want to talk about this at home,” Phichit says, surprised at his own vehemence. There’s a strong temptation to kick at the ice but he’s not a teenager anymore. “I want to kiss my boyfriend and apparently he won’t let me do that. Apparently I don’t even get a hug.” 

“It doesn’t feel right to do it in public, okay?” 

“Well why didn’t you just say that from the beginning?” Phichit asks, exasperated. “You made it sound like you were disgusted with me or something.”

“Of course not but I don’t know!” Yuuri says, frustrated. He closes his eyes tight and takes a deep breath, but his face is still pinched. Phichit feels a little bad, knowing that Yuuri doesn’t like having these kinds of arguments at home, let alone in public. But there’s nothing to hide about their relationship, and he’s so happy he could burst. He just wants to show that off. 

Instead he’s silent and contemplative as they skate around a little longer, no longer side by side but still close. It isn’t until they’re in the locker room changing out their skates for shoes that Yuuri speaks up.

“Are we still fighting?” Yuuri asks.

Phichit gives him a look then shrugs his shoulders. He’s not mad anymore but there’s a part of him that is still aching somehow. 

“No, we're good now,” Phichit says. “Sometimes I don't understand your Yuuri speak. But I'm not mad, not anymore.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri says with a sigh of relief. “I'm sorry.” 

“It's okay. Can I hug you now?” 

“Um,” Yuuri says then looks around the locker room. He gives a nod and Phichit would still feel some doubts but he can feel how tightly Yuuri embraces him back, and it’s enough to wash them away. 

He sighs and tries to hug the worries right out of Yuuri even though he knows it’s not like that. Yuuri is more private than him and they’re going to have to learn to balance this new relationship between them. 

Neither of them hear the door to the locker room open but they do hear Celestino making a noise of realization. 

“Oh, so that’s why you followed Yuuri to Japan,” Celestino says. 

“Okay,” Phichit says as Yuuri buries his face into his shoulder and Celestino grins at them. “I get what you mean now.” 

#

Yuuri is already on the ice when Celestino arrives. He's finished doing his warm-ups, and he's working on his free skate. The only other people here are the pair of ice skaters, because they have early morning practice. 

“What time did you get here this morning?” Celestino asked him when he arrives.

“As soon as the rink opened,” Yuuri says. He doesn't mention that he was here literally the moment it opened. The only reason the staff let him in is because they recognized him from his late nights. He hopes Celestino doesn't ask what time he went home.

But he thinks the Celestino realizes this. Instead he finishes lacing up so that he can help Yuuri with his quad salchow. They've moved away from the harness but Celestino still prefers to be on the ice with him. 

Yuuri almost wants to remind him that he's fallen a million times practicing this jump. But then again, he only needs to fall wrong once, and then it's all over. That's the risk he's going to take though. He needs this jump on his roster and he needs to be stable and secure. All of his jumps need to be flawless. 

Celestino takes a few minutes to help him, then he turns his attention to the real reason he's here, the pair skaters. Yuuri take the chance to sit down and relax, pulling out his notebook to rework some of the steps and checking his email to see the progress on the song and his costumes. 

He smiles at the message from Phichit, at his complaining at being up so early. He's doing some kind of breakfast study session for one of his classes. Phichit is many things but an early morning person he is not. 

Yuuri gets back onto the ice, practicing his triple salchow since Celestino has temporarily forbidden him from practising his quad sal. It’s so tempting to throw in that fourth rotation but Yuuri keeps to his agreement, that Celestino will help him figure out this quad if he does it under his supervision. A reckless injury is the last thing Yuuri needs right now. 

“Okay, run through the whole program for me,” Celestino says when he finishes with the pair skaters. He has his phone ready to record, so that Yuuri he can see his performance, and nitpick it to death. 

He knows he's being overly critical.Aand normally Celestino would try to make him see the good parts of his skating. But they don't have time for that. He appreciates that Celestino understands this.

The music isn't done yet. Yuuri isn't good enough to have music commissioned, but he won't have a chance anymore, so he has to take it now. He has to be good enough now, right now. He has the skeleton version though, and he's been getting frequent enough updates that he's not worried about the final piece being ready by the end of the week. Celestino has been fussing enough over that for the both of them. 

He doesn't mark the jumps, but executes them as faithful as he possibly can, which means he fucks up the salchow and two foots the landing on the second quad toe loop. It's frustrating as hell. But it's better than he make the mistakes now during practice. As long as the real thing in competition is flawless. That's what he repeats himself as he finishes his ending pose.

“You changed the steps again,” Celestino says. It's not a disapproving statement. But there is frustration in his voice.

“They're better now,” Yuuri says. 

He's not surprised that Celestino sighs at him. Yuuri has changed his skates so many times. It barely resembles the original. But this is his last skate. It has to be as close to perfect as possible.

“We leave for Canada at the end of the week,” Celestino reminds him.

“I know,” Yuuri says. “That's why I changed it. It wasn't good enough.”

“Will it ever be?”

“It will,” Yuuri says, confident for once. It has to be. He won't get any more chances after this year. Everything that he has, he has to pour into these two skates, because this is it. 

Celestino looks him over then nods. 

“Okay, Yuuri, I trust you.”

Yuuri nods, understanding the weight of that trust. 

“Where do you want to start?” Celestino asks. 

“From the beginning,” Yuuri says. He wants to see everything that he's done wrong, so that he can fix it and do it right the next time, and every time after that.

“What do you want to focus on?”

“Everything.”

“I know,” Celestino chides. “But I need something to focus on.”

“Oh right. Let's focus on the first jump then. And then I want to look at my transitions. And then I want to know what you think about the new step sequence.”

“We can do it like that,” Celestino says. He starts the video from the beginning. “So the first quad was fine but-” 

#

“You’re not paying attention, are you?” Phichit asks Yuuri suspiciously. 

“Not even a little,” Yuuri admits as he stops kissing and nuzzling Phichit’s neck and looks up at him. They’re cuddling in Phichit’s bed, taking turns watching videos on his phone, though Yuuri is ruining all of that. “I told you I don’t understand these things. You said it’s a The King and The Skater video but it doesn’t look like the movie. It’s more like the movie all jumbled up.” 

“It’s a fan video. See, they choose a song and an idea, and they make a video around it. It’s not that hard to understand. Don’t act like you’re an old man.” Phichit starts the video up again. Yuuri curls up against him again and watches it. But after the first minute Phichit sighs. “You don’t get it, do you?” 

“Nope,” Yuuri says. “I’ll watch it all the way through though?” 

“Don’t worry,” Phichit says and sets his phone aside. “I want to kiss you more.” 

Yuuri smiles and Phichit flips around so they can kiss. They’re comfortable with this, now that they’ve settled into the new routine for the year and Phichit loves how they fit together. 

“Is this okay?” Yuuri asks as he grinds against Phichit, one hand going down his pants and underwear to cup his ass with his fingers in between his cheeks. 

“Please,” Phichit groans. He spreads his legs, pleading for more. They’ve been waiting for this moment where they’re both ready for more and Phichit burns for it. He helps Yuuri take his pants and underwear off, taking his shirt off too while he’s at it. “Yuuri, get naked. I want to touch you.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri mumbles, not wanting to stop touching Phichit now that he has all of him. Phichit has to push him off with a laugh. He stops laughing the moment Yuuri has his clothes off and goes back to salivating over his hot boyfriend. 

“I can’t believe I get to do this,” Phichit says as their cocks touch and they rut against one another, his hands eagerly exploring the muscles of Yuuri’s back. He throws his head back with a gasp as Yuuri gives a sharp thrust. 

“I know,” Yuuri murmurs. “You’re so...you’re amazing. And I get to touch you.” 

Phichit needs a chance to get his breath back but he can’t get it right now. He watches as Yuuri sits up and kisses his knee, then leans down to kiss his cock. Phichit cries out, fighting to keep from thrusting into Yuuri’s mouth, but it feels so good as Yuuri laps at his dick and balls, his hands there touching what he can’t reach with his lips. 

Yuuri’s fingers go to his asshole and then he hesitates. 

“Do you-?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Phichit pants, trying to remember how to speak. He shivers a little as Yuuri moves back, his hands going to his knees. “A minute. Oh god, I could have come from that.”

After a bit Phichit flops off the bed to grab the plastic box under his bed. 

“I figured that’s what it was for,” Yuuri says and Phichit flips him off. He knows Yuuri keeps his stuff in the bottom drawer of his dresser. 

“Oh fuck, where is it,” Phichit curses as he digs through the box. He always has lube. Yuuri gives him a worried look then Phichit glances under his bed, relieved as he realizes it had fallen out and rolled to the back. “Hold up.” 

It’s a frantic minute of trying to reach it and once he has it, he pops back up to see Yuuri red faced.

“It was a good view,” Yuuri says, biting his lip to keep from laughing. 

“You could have helped,” Phichit says, throwing the bottle of lube at him. 

Yuuri catches it and shrugs, more amused than chastised. Then his look focuses back and Phichit swallows, heat rising in him again. He lays back down and spreads his legs for Yuuri, unable to help his surprised gasp as Yuuri drives a finger into him. 

“Sorry,” Yuuri says. 

“It didn’t hurt much,” Phichit tells him, though he’s thankful that Yuuri slows down a little. 

Yuuri gives him a look then begins to add a second finger. Phichit whines for more; he wants to thrash around, especially when Yuuri starts to tease at his prostrate, but he can’t move. Then Yuuri pulls his fingers out and lines his cock up, glancing up at him to make sure it’s okay. Phichit nods eagerly and Yuuri pushes in.

“Oh, that’s good,” Phichit sighs out as Yuuri bottoms out. He wraps one leg around him, pulling him in as close as possible, even as he’s so wonderfully filled up. 

Yuuri just moans and then slowly begins to thrust into him, careful but clearly holding himself back. Phichit lets him take his time, aching with how full he is and enjoying every second of it. 

It’s everything he’s wanted but better because it’s real. Yuuri’s face is scrunched up as he concentrates, there’s an ache in Phichit’s hip from where Yuuri is holding on too tight, and his hair is all sweaty and smelly. But Yuuri is on top of him, pleasuring him, and Phichit strokes himself, crying out as he comes. 

Yuuri makes a weird sound as he feels Phichit clench down around him. 

“Close,” Yuuri grunts and then he pulls out, coming all over Phichit’s thigh. He pants as he comes down from his climax, eyeing the physical proof of their lovemaking with a possessive gleam.

“Why didn’t you come inside me?” Phichit asks, touching the come and shivering a little. 

“Eh? It’s not healthy,” Yuuri says and Phichit blinks at him. Then he shrugs. 

“Ah, cleaning up is such a hassle,” Phichit says, exhausted. He could fall asleep right this second, sticky and messy as he is.

“Come sleep in my bed,” Yuuri says. “We’ll clean up in the morning.” 

“Deal,” Phichit says and wipes himself off with his bedsheet then flops onto Yuuri’s bed. “I’m not putting clothes on. Good night.” 

Yuuri chuckles and pulls his underwear back on then curls up with him again. It’s probably a good idea so that they don’t get Yuuri’s bed dirty too. But when Phichit turns around to ask Yuuri something, he sees that he’s passed out, deep in sleep. 

Phichit smiles and reaches down to pull Yuuri’s hand up so he can kiss it, then lays it across himself and settles in.


	5. Chapter 5

They're wrapping up practice, leisurely skating side by side, chatting. It's everything Phichit ever dreamed about. Everyone in the rink knows they're dating, so Yuuri is more comfortable when Phichit leans over to hug or kiss him, even if he's not totally comfortable kissing him back. But it's as close to perfect as he ever thought about.

They're determinately not talking about the competition Yuuri is about to go to. Phichit wants to encourage him, to say that he's going to do great, but he knows that Yuuri won't take it like that. It'll just stress him out more. It feels a little silly but pretending like it's not happening seems to be the best way to handle it. 

They come off the ice together and start taking their skates off. Celestino comes up to them, talking about their plans for the airport and travel, Yuuri nodding along to everything.

“Oh, by the way, Phichit, you’re not coming,” Celestino says, chipper and bright. 

“What?” Yuuri and Phichit both say in confused unison. 

Celestino points to Phichit. 

“You are not coming to Canada with us.” 

“Why not?” Phichit asks, indignantly as he realizes what Celestino means. “Yuuri is my boyfriend and I can go support him-” 

“And what about Frederick Joubert who is coming next week to help you with your quads?” Celestino asks rhetorically, raising one eyebrow as delicately as he can. The effect is lost on Phichit who wants to scream. 

Instead he stammers because he honestly totally forgot about that. And he’d been excited too because he’s been struggling with his quad toe loop and he can’t afford to mess it up. It’s his only quad compared to Yuuri who has been working on his quad salchow like a man possessed. He’s making progress and it inspires Phichit to want to do the same. 

“Ah, that’s right,” Yuuri says like the traitor he is. He turns to Phichit with a smile. “That’ll be better for you anyway.” 

“Don’t decide for me,” Phichit snaps, and he feels bad as Yuuri’s smile vanishes. He’ll make it up to him later. He turns to Celestino. “I can reschedule it or something, or come back early, or-” 

“You know that’s not an option. He is here for one week. He is here for you. Frederick is a highly in demand coach because he’s effective and talented. Do not throw that away for a boyfriend. No offense, Yuuri,” Celestino says. 

“No, I agree,” Yuuri says. 

“And I just told you both not to decide things for me,” Phichit says. 

“Well, I don’t want you to go, then,” Yuuri says, eyes a little wide and Phichit knows he’s only saying it to get him to stay but it still hurts to hear.

“I thought you wanted me to go,” he says.

“I thought you were just saying that. I didn't think you would actually go,” Yuuri says, like the dumbass that he is. He's lucky that he's so cute because Phichit really wants to throttle him right now. 

“Why would I say I was coming with you if I didn't mean it?” Phichit asks. 

“Do you already have a plane ticket and hotel booked?” Celestino asks. Yuuri's eyes open wide.

“Yes,” Phichit says. He gives Yuuri a look. “Of course I do. Why do you think I asked about yours?”

“I thought you were just asking to be polite,” Yuuri says.

“Are you serious?”

“Cancel them,” Celestino says.

“Please,” Yuuri asks. “I’m sorry that you wasted your money. I’ll-”

“I hate you both right now,” Phichit says and he wants to cry a little bit. Not because of the money but because they have a point, but at the same time he wants to support Yuuri. And he can’t be there. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri apologizes again later that afternoon. 

Phichit shrugs. The hotel refunded most of his money and he got the airplane ticket changed for a future competition. But it still stings. 

“I’ll just have to watch you from here,” he says, gesturing to his laptop. It’s not the same, it’s not romantic, but Yuuri just sits beside him on the couch and rests his head on his shoulder. 

“I think...I would like you there. But not if you have something like this already planned, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Phichit says with a heavy sigh. He takes Yuuri’s hand and entwines their fingers, a little thrilled as always at the way he gets to just reach out and touch Yuuri now. “And we can’t go to the Grand Prix events together because of the timing.” 

“We’ll just have to make it to the Grand Prix Final together,” Yuuri says, a determined glint in his eyes. Phichit raises his hand to kiss it, loving the way Yuuri flushes still. 

“I want that so much,” Phichit whispers. 

Yuuri answers with a kiss and Phichit wraps his arms around him, letting himself be swept up in it. He’s still mad but it’s not at anyone specific now, just irritable at the situation. 

#

Phichit settles in with a bowl of popcorn and the hamsters to watch Yuuri compete. He’s going to hold a grudge against Celestino forever for not letting him come along even though he knows he’s got schoolwork to do. And he supposes having a jump coach scheduled months in advance is a legitimate reason but he’s still mad. 

Guang Hong is there, finally moving up to the senior ring, and Phichit is excited to see him there. His short program is pretty but it's the long program that Phichit is really interested in watching. He's seen a few clips of it from Guang Hong’s Instagram and it looks intense. 

Michele Crispino from Italy is there too. But those two are probably only ones who are on Yuuri's level at this competition. It's not like Yuuri pays attention to the other skaters though. If it's not Victor Nikiforov, his idol or Christophe Giacometti, his friend, Yuuri doesn't really notice.

“Alright,” Phichit says as Yuuri steps onto the ice. “Let's do this, Yuuri.” 

He knows that Yuuri hates it, but he still sends him a good luck message on Twitter. They haven't decided yet how they're going to handle the social media aspect of this relationship. Phichit already knows that Yuuri isn't looking forward to it. But he is very much looking forward to getting to show off his cute boyfriend, even if said boyfriend hates selfies. 

The first notes of _Rising Sun_ begins to play. Phichit has seen Yuuri skate to this so many times. But it's always different in a competition where you have to give it everything you have. 

The skate is too rough for Yuuri’s usual standards but he’s also had a lot less time to work on it. By the first Grand Prix qualifier it should be up to par though, that is if Yuuri doesn’t change it again. He’s been fighting and nitpicking at every single element in the skate, enough that Phichit wants to tell him to just skate the damn thing. 

Phichit pauses because now that he thinks about it, that’s not usually like Yuuri. Oh sure, he’ll make suggestions about what works better for him; they all do, it’s about what each skater is capable of. But he usually doesn’t fight with Celestino ever. 

He’s been insisting on working on his quadruple salchow too, something that is driving them all a little crazy since Yuuri isn’t allowed to practice it on his own and so he’s unintentionally monopolizing Celestino’s attention. The weird thing is that Celestino is encouraging it though at some point he’s going to realize how much time he’s spending it focused on Yuuri and not the rest of his students. 

Phichit winces as Yuuri falls on the last jumping pass, the quad salchow. He knows exactly how hard Yuuri is going to take that failure. Despite all the effort he's put into it so far, it's still a jump needs to work on, and it makes Phichit worry more than a little. Yuuri is already obsessed with the jump. This fall won't help that. At the same time, he doesn't know if landing it would have made things better. It's hard to know what goes on inside of Yuuri’s brain.

He sends him a text message with a congratulations for placing fourth in the short program. The free skate is tomorrow, and they probably won't have time to talk in between, but he still sends a reminder that Yuuri free to call at any point. Phichit will happily skip class to talk to Yuuri. Celestino will be less than thrilled about it but that's okay. 

As expected, Yuuri doesn’t respond, but Phichit doesn’t take it personally. He wasn’t expecting it. He still spends the entire day antsy, tempted to text Celestino to make sure that Yuuri is doing okay. He has to talk himself out of it a dozen times over, sometimes having a text ready to send before he deletes it. This isn’t Yuuri’s first competition. He gets nervous but he’s a big boy. 

Phichit manages to catch Leo and they livestream the free skate tomorrow, screaming when Guang Hong attempts a quad toe loop but falls, cheering when Yuuri sticks the quad salchow landing, and Phichit honestly tears up when his boyfriend lands the jump triumphantly. 

Yuuri places third overall, and he looks content enough on the podium. It's definitely what the JSF wanted to see from him, so he's probably relieved about that, even though Phichit knows he wanted the gold. But he's proud to see Yuuri out there again, still skating and fighting, especially after all of the retirement rumors. 

That warm feeling quickly fades away as he watches the post competition interviews and he doesn't notice until he's getting ready for bed, disturbingly down despite Yuuri’s victory. It's not until the next day when he's rewatching them that he realizes it.

It's not the reporters this time but Yuuri himself. And it's probably just because Phichit knows him so well. Because nothing that he says sounds super alarming. He doubts anyone other than Yuuri's immediate family would get it.

This isn't a conversation for texting or for phones so Phichit sits on it until Yuuri returns. He means to wait until Yuuri has gotten a good night’s sleep. They're in their room, Phichit on Yuuri’s bed, watching him unpack. But he finds that he can't. 

“Is this your last year of skating?” Phichit asks quietly. 

“W-what?” Yuuri looks up from unpacking. He just got back from Autumn Classic and he’s still exhausted and jetlagged to hell and back but Phichit can’t wait. He needs to know. 

“I was watching your interviews after your skates,” Phichit says. “Something about the way you talked, you kept talking about giving it your all, and it just made me think that you’re treating this like it’s your last year.” 

“It is my last year,” Yuuri says. 

Phichit stares at him. 

“How long have you known about this?” 

“I'm not exactly sure,” Yuuri says, thinking about it. “I told Celestino when I called to arrange the new contract. I remember that much.” 

They started dating right after that too. Phichit doesn't know how to feel. His insides are cold, and they feel distant, like someone else is here right now.

“When were you planning on telling me this?” 

“I don't know,” Yuuri says. “It didn't seem that important?” 

“How the hell is this not important? I'm your boyfriend. Don't you think I should know if you're planning on retiring? Are you going to go back to Japan when you retire? What's going to happen with us? Don't you-” Phichit stops so that he doesn’t end up crying. He takes a shaky breath. “Don't you care about me?” 

“What does my retirement have to do with you?” Yuuri asks, genuinely confused. 

It would be more kind of Yuuri to stab him at this point.

“I can't fucking deal with you right now,” Phichit says, and he wishes he had the strength to shout. He needs to scream his voice hoarse right now. 

He throws the bronze medal onto Yuuri’s bed and grabs his keys to head out. He can’t stay here tonight. Yuuri calls out after him but Phichit just shuts his phone off and ignores Yuuri. 

Fuck, he’d been so happy before. 

#

Yuuri knows that he messed up but he's not exactly sure how. And unfortunately the person best suited to tell him how he messed up is the person that's mad at him. 

He’s tried calling and texting Phichit; part of him would have gone after him but he has no idea where Phichit went. He has a lot of friends that Yuuri doesn’t know about and even the friends that Yuuri knows, he doesn’t have their numbers. He texts one but she doesn’t know anything, though Yuuri wouldn’t be surprised if she was lying. 

Yuuri spends the morning going over their argument. The apartment is oddly quiet and all he has are his thoughts to keep him company, after all. There’s no tiny sounds from Phichit’s headphones or the tap of his fingers as he tries to study or even the soothing sound of another person in the room. It’s too still. 

He can kind of see where he went wrong. Obviously he should have told Phichit sooner that he was planning on retiring this year. But part of him still doesn’t see how it’s Phichit’s problem. Yuuri’s retirement is his own thing and Yuuri can decide when he’s done with his career. He was absolutely going to tell Phichit at some point because they were going to have to figure out what to do with this relationship. He doesn’t want to end it, but if Yuuri goes home to Japan, he doesn’t want to tie Phichit down in a fruitless long distance relationship. They were definitely going to have to talk about it. 

He’s not surprised that he doesn’t run into Phichit on campus. Yuuri usually takes the side paths and Phichit knows all of his usual haunts. It’s easy to avoid him. 

Eventually he finds him at the rink, unsurprised to see Phichit studiously ignoring him and Celestino looking part way worried and part way interested. Yuuri supposes a lovers’ spat is interesting and he isn’t surprised that Celestino is trying to figure out what’s going on. He’s nosy like that in the lives of his skaters. 

“Hi,” Yuuri says, proud that he’s not stammering as he goes up to them.

“Hi,” Phichit says, glancing his way for a moment but then darting his eyes away. He looks at Celestino instead, telling him with his eyes to go away. Celestino raises his eyebrows at him then claps Yuuri on the back, a silent good luck.

“Are you coming back home tonight?” Yuuri leaves the ‘with me’ unspoken but he knows Phichit understood it. 

Phichit sighs but nods. 

“I didn’t mean to ignore you. Or your texts. Or to run away like that. But I couldn’t stay there. You know?” 

“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry,” Yuuri murmurs and Phichit sighs again, then leans over to kiss his cheek. 

“We’ll talk tonight when I get home. Can you cook dinner tonight? I have to stop by the library.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri says. He has to stop by the international market and grab some snacks for Phichit as an apology anyway. 

The apartment is still too quiet when Yuuri returns and he throws himself into cooking, though no matter how hard he rattles the pots and pans and dishes it doesn’t compensate for Phichit’s missing ambience. 

He’s listening to music, trying to drown the silence out, when he hears the the key in the front door click. 

“I’m home,” Phichit calls out as he arrives, a bit too loud. It’s nice to know that he’s nervous too, in a way.

Yuuri puts the lid on the pot and turns the music off, trying not to let his panicking heart leap out of his throat. 

“Welcome back,” he says, thankfully not stuttering. 

Phichit shakes his head a little as he recognizes the brand on the plastic bags, smiling despite himself, and it gives Yuuri a fluttering hope in his chest. But the look goes away as Phichit hardens himself again.

“Okay, talk,” Phichit says, arms crossed and expectant. 

“I...I know I’m sorry. I am sorry. But I don’t know what I should have done differently. I haven’t told anyone except my family and Celestino that I plan to retire this year. I didn’t know when I was going to tell you but I was definitely going to tell you soon.” The words spill out of Yuuri without control and finesse. The only thing he can do gracefully is dance on the ice and even that isn’t certain at competitions. This kind of relationship trouble is out of his league. 

“How soon?” Phichit says. 

Yuuri swallows. 

“I don’t know.”

Phichit sighs and uncrosses his arms. 

“I love you. But I don’t think you get it. You were going to just retire and then what? Just leave me? Leave us? I thought we had a few more years together. I wanted to take you to Bangkok next summer and show you around my old neighborhood. But now I can’t even think about next month without getting choked up.” 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri murmurs. He is, he’s so sorry, but he can’t be apologetic about the fact that he wants to retire. He’s done with this all. All he has left in him is one more year. He can feel the exhaustion at the edge of his bones and he knows he can only keep it at bay for so long. 

“Come here,” Phichit says with a sigh and holds out his arms. Yuuri falls into them and he wishes it were this easy, to just stay here in Phichit’s embrace. But it’s not, of course. They have to figure out how they’re going to weather this, if they will survive intact together or not, and Yuuri hates that he’s the reason for this fear for them both. 

“It just didn't occur to me to tell you,” Yuuri says. It's not an explanation. But he doesn't know how to say it. 

“You're such a dumbass,” Phichit says and Yuuri sighs in relief to hear the note of affection in the insult. He's not totally forgiven and he knows it. But Phichit is still willing to try with him and that’s more than Yuuri can ask for some days. 

# 

There’s a lot of speculation about the fact that Celestino’s hair is still bright pink even though it’s been about a week since he came into the rink, hauling a confused Phichit into his office with a head full of bubblegum pink hair. Phichit had claimed his innocence but Yuuri doesn’t think anyone believed him; he can hold a grudge like no one’s business. It takes a lot to get him to that point though, something that Yuuri is very thankful for, because he knows he’s a terrible boyfriend and he keeps trying to do better. Phichit deserves the best and it’s not Yuuri but he seems content most of the time. 

Yuuri ignores the questions on his twitter, because this is Phichit’s mess, he can clean it up. He will admit it’s hilarious to see but he would never make the mistake of laughing in front of Celestino. 

On the other hand, it proves that Celestino does dye his hair, and it’s been low key nagging at Yuuri so it’s nice to have that confirmation. 

Phichit is coming home from his first Grand Prix event without a medal and Yuuri is slightly panicking, trying to think of ways to cheer his boyfriend up. He knows he’s going to take it hard. It’s not impossible for Phichit to get into the Grand Prix Final now but it’s going to be much harder. 

His programs had been beautiful though. He’s so passionate about his skates and it shows. Part of Yuuri thinks he should have waited until he was older to skate to his favorite movies but the raw passion that Phichit imbues can’t be beat. It makes Yuuri want to perform with all his heart like that. But it’s hard to explain that to Phichit, who has been pushing Celestino to teach him a new quadruple jump even though his quad toe loop is still so freshly learned. 

Yuuri has a test to study for and he’s distracted but he is making progress when Phichit bursts in. 

“I’m so tired,” Phichit says happily. Yuuri blinks, more than a little confused. “Let’s go out and eat! I’m starving!” 

“Don’t you want to rest?” 

“Ah, I slept on the plane,” Phichit says. He stretches his arms. “So I’m pretty awake right now. Lunch? Dinner? I have no idea what time zones are anymore. Let’s go eat breakfast, fuck, I don’t even care. I just need some kind of food.” 

“Give me like ten minutes,” Yuuri says, gesturing to his notes.

Phichit gives him a thumbs up, clearly understanding, and flops onto the couch. When Yuuri finishes and goes to get Phichit, he’s passed out, drooling on the cushion. 

“Hey, your bed is better to sleep on,” Yuuri says, nudging at him. 

Phicht snores and Yuuri suppresses a laugh. 

“Do you still want to get breakfast?” 

Phichit snores again. Yuuri shakes his head but carefully picks him up, taking him to his bed. The next morning Phichit isn’t in his bed and Yuuri pads into the living room, conusd to see Phichit on the couch again.

“Didn’t I put you in your bed?” Yuuri says, rubbing at his eyes. He distinctly remembers taking Phichit’s shoes and clothes off, leaving him in his underwear. But this Phichit is casually dressed even if he’s in the same position. 

“You did. Thanks,” Phichit says, his words muffled. 

“Are you okay?”

“Everything is fine,” Phichit murmurs from the couch, face down so it’s difficult to hear him. 

“Look me in the eye and say that,” Yuuri says, deadpan. 

Phichit flips him off and Yuuri sighs, fond but a little frustrated still. He can tell something is weighing on Phichit and what’s the point of having a boyfriend if you can’t confide your worries to them? Yuuri ignores the voice in his head that mutters about hypocrisy and goes over the couch, laying a hand on Phichit’s shoulder blades. 

“If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine. But I’m here, right? Won’t it be better if you talk to me about it?” 

“I wonder,” Phichit says, lifting his head up so his words are clear, “how that’s supposed to help if you’re part of the reason I’m stressing out so much.” 

Yuuri blinks. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Phichit says, dropping his head back down. “Don’t worry about it. Just forget it.” 

“Who in the world would be able to forget about that when you say it like that?” Yuuri says with a groan. 

“I mean, I didn’t medal at this event. Do you know how hard it is to get in if you don’t medal? I’m going to have to get silver or fold next time and if I could only get fourth place here, what are even the odds I would get something higher at another competition? I want to go to the Grand Prix Final with you. But I don’t think I’ll be able to and now all we’ll have is Four Continents and Worlds and those are both so far away.” 

“Wait, is that what you’ve been stressing about? Why didn’t you talk to me about it? Don’t you think I know what it’s like to go through the qualifiers and panic about if I’ll make it to the final or not?” Yuuri asks, more than a little confused. That was his perpetual state of being last fall. And Phichit was there to see it all. 

“You’ve been so focused on your own stuff, I didn’t want to add my worries onto yours!” Phichit says. “This is your last year of skating! And I know you want it to go well!” 

“Yeah but you’re worrying about stuff and that matters too,” Yuuri argues. “I want you to talk to me about this stuff. I always talk to you about stuff-” 

“Bullshit,” Phichit says and Yuuri blinks at him. “You didn’t even tell me this was your last year. I had to figure it out from interviews you gave in fucking Japanese. From a translation!” 

“I, but that didn’t, it’s different,” Yuuri tries to say. He’s been caught, he knows it, but he doesn’t want to admit it. It’s so hard for him to talk about these kinds of matters, and Phichit has always been so much better about asking for help or for what he needs. Yuuri can’t do that. 

“It’s not. It’s the same thing.” Phichit takes a breath and wipes at his eyes. He pats the couch and Yuuri sits down, touching thighs but nothing else. “I didn’t want to bother you, okay? I know how you get.”

“You’re always asking me to tell you things,” Yuuri says. “You didn’t used to do that before.” 

“We’re dating now and I want to support you,” Phichit says. “I can’t just leave you alone like before when we were friends. You do this thing where you just get lost in your head and I can’t just sit back and watch it happen, you know?” 

“I think so,” he says, taking his hand. “That’s kind of what I feel like now.” 

“Yeah, I bet,” Phichit says with a sigh, leaning on Yuuri now. “Tell me I can still do this?” 

“Of course you can. If anyone could it’s you,” Yuuri says, meaning every word of it. 

“I can believe it when you say it. You’re terrible at lying to support people,” Phichit says and Yuuri gives a little pretend annoyed huff. But it’s true. He’s just plain terrible at dealing with other people. 

“I mean it. I can’t wait to go to the Grand Prix Final with you,” Yuuri says. 

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see you win silver,” Phichit says and Yuuri relaxes. Phichit will be okay if he’s joking like this.


	6. Chapter 6

Phichit ends up with a fourth and gold, while Yuuri takes a silver and bronze, enough to get them into the Grand Prix Final. They spent the night after Yuuri’s return with a bronze getting drunk, and having an amazing round of sex, not that Phichit can brag about it to anyone. He wasn’t even allowed to show off his hickeys, something that pissed Yuuri off at the mere mention. 

And then Celestino had turned on them too, insisting they have separate rooms at the Grand Prix Final to avoid any sort of media attention. to which Yuuri had surprisingly declined with just as much vitriol as Phichit had. That had probably been what made Celestino back off. Phichit didn’t have the heart or courage to tell him that Yuuri would kick him off if Phichit tried to start anything hot. He doesn’t want Celestino knowing how whipped he is. 

They’re vaguely planning to deal with it all after their respective nationals. Yuuri had mentioned something about the timing and Phichit thinks it’s the most he’s gotten out of him regarding the issue. They’ve both been so preoccupied with making it into the Grand Prix Final though that he can’t even hold it against Yuuri. They have priorities. 

He would love to be holding Yuuri’s hand right now though as they walk into the hotel that is hosting the Grand Prix Final instead of just clinging to his arm, which he did when they were just best friends instead of boyfriends. 

Yuuri stops in front of the life size photos of the Grand Prix Final competitors, completely ignoring his own and Phichit’s. He has eyes only for the Victor Nikiforov image. 

“I can’t wait to watch him skate in person,” Yuuri says, eyes shining, and Phichit feels a foreign stab of jealousy. 

“I can’t wait to beat him,” Phichit says, even though he knows his chances are slim. Victor Nikiforov isn’t a five time Grand Prix Final champion for nothing. But his chokehold can’t last forever. And Phichit would love to be the one to end his streak. 

“Hm? Did you say something?” Yuuri asks, not having heard or noticed a thing, too enraptured at the sight of the living legend. 

“You’re so clueless,” Phichit says, and pecks Yuuri on the cheek, inwardly grinning as Yuuri squawks and turns on him, hissing at Phichit for knowing very well that he doesn’t like it when he does that. But Phichit has a claim to stake, especially since Chris is here, and he loves copping a feel of Yuuri Katsuki booty. Which is all Phichit’s now, thank you very much. 

Sure enough the moment they step into the actual arena, Chris pops out of nowhere, and it’s only Phichit’s quick thinking that keeps his hands off Yuuri. 

“Yuuri, do you have a bodyguard now?” Chris teases, and Phichit is torn because he loves what Chris does on his social media, the way he toes the line between attractively sexy and occasionally dipping into scandalous. And he would love to collaborate with him someday on a photo shot, or something, anything really. But he doesn’t really want him all over Yuuri when it’s hard enough for Phichit to hang over his boyfriend. 

“Oh, hi, Chris,” Yuuri says, clueless as always. He doesn’t even question why Phichit is wrapped around his back, unknowing that Phichit is protecting his ass from Chris’ grabby hands. 

“Good to see you here again, Yuuri. I heard rumors that you were retiring. Glad to see they aren’t true,” Chris says and Yuuri gives a nervous laugh. Chris is going to chalk it up to Yuuri’s general nervousness and not because people have actually hit upon the truth. But it’s not Phichit’s place to say anything. 

“Phichit Chulanont,” Phichit introduces himself, since Yuuri didn’t do it and he knows just how much Phichit wants to meet the Christophe Giacometti. “I’m excited to be skating against you.” 

“Likewise,” Chris says, pleased. “And congrats on making it in! It’s your first time, yes?” Chris says with a grin. “Before we go to practice, help me convince this guy take a pic? He always rejects me.” 

“I have so many good pictures that I can never post because Yuuri won’t let me,” Phichit bemoans and Yuuri shakes his head at them both. 

They bundle together to take a picture, Phichit snapping out his selfie stick to make sure it’s a good shot. 

“Stop that,” Yuuri says all of a sudden and Phichit looks to see that he’s failed in his noble quest as Chris’ hand is wrapped low around Yuuri’s waist. “I have a boyfriend.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Chris says and moves his hand up to a more suitable height. He jostles Yuuri a little. “Who is the lucky man?” 

“It’s me,” Phichit says with a too wide smile and Chris laughs for a second until he realizes that Yuuri isn’t denying it. 

“Congrats, then,” Chris says, sincere. “Should I do the whole ‘take care of him’ thing or do you think Yuuri’s a big enough boy that he can handle it?” 

“Let’s just take the stupid picture and get to practicing,” Yuuri mutters, uncomfortable with the whole conversation. 

“Say ‘Barcelona’!” Phichit commands, unsurprised when Yuuri mumbles and Chris obliges. 

He exchanges numbers with Chris as Yuuri mutters in the background about how the internet is not ready for whatever they have in store, which is very true. Luckily Chris just laughs at him and winks, promising they probably won’t do anything illegal, and Phichit has a huge twitter crush on Chris that is just being confirmed the more he speaks. Chris takes his leave so he can change and Phichit and Yuuri find a spot to stretch before the official practice can begin.

Celestino finally joins them, the jetlag hitting him hard this time around and he’d stayed in bed for a lot longer than normal for him. He assures them both he’s fine and gives Phichit an unimpressed look when he makes a quip about old age.

“Oh by the way, I’ll probably kiss you when you medal,” Phichit says to Yuuri as he stretches. 

“You will not,” Yuuri says, knowing he means in public and on camera. He’s going over his step sequence, utterly engrossed in it. 

“Why does it matter?” Phichit says, not serious. “Your family already knows.” 

“Because you shouted it out to them,” Yuuri points out. “My mom says she’s cheering you on too. They always host viewing parties for my competitions. I told her you would be happy to give them a shoutout and my dad says you’re his favorite son because you know how to advertise.” 

“I got Papa Katsuki’s double blessing,” Phichit says, pretending to wipe away a tear. 

Yuuri chuckles and drops his arms, going over to his phone to check the time for the millionth time. The short program is drawing closer. 

Yuuri is actually performing second, and Phichit is fifth, due to their placement draws. He’s slightly jealous of Yuuri who had relaxed at going earlier on, because it gets it over with sooner. 

“Yuuri, we should go now,” Celestino says and Yuuri stands up, taking a deep breath. 

“Are you sure you don’t want a kiss for good luck?” Phichit teases, though he’s ask half seriously too.

Yuuri flushes but then holds his arms out for a hug. Phichit nearly grins his smile right off his face as he leaps to oblige, murmuring into Yuuri’s neck that he’s going to do great so that only he can hear it. Celestino will encourage him too but Phichit knows his encouragement is the best. 

“Thanks,” Yuuri mutters and Celestino gives them both a fond smile before he heads to the rink with Yuuri. Phichit will catch up in a second once he uses the bathroom, which is always a bitch and a half in these outfits. 

Phichit gets there to see the last thirty seconds of Michele Crispino’s performance, and he waits until Yuuri is on the ice. He might be more nervous for Yuuri’s skate than his own. 

He’s familiar with the music from watching Yuuri go through his full routine and Phichit holds his breath as the first notes play. He breathes again as Yuuri starts to move, the first strokes of his blades steady and sure against the ice, no hesitation as he builds speed for the first quad, a solid quad toe loop.

Something in Phichit’s chest aches as Yuuri goes into his step sequence. He’s seen him dance these steps before but not like this, with thousands of people watching and months of hard work behind him. 

Yuuri is performing like this is his last time on the ice. And in a way, Phichit supposes it is; he'll never get a chance to skate in the Grand Prix Final again. This is it for him.

“I wonder why no one else sees it?” Phichit murmurs to himself. It’s obvious, blindingly so, and he’s surprised more people haven’t picked up on it. 

Yuuri is doing good so far, his landing on the combination jump a little shaky but he’s quickly settled into the program, much better than last year even. 

Yuuri doesn’t open himself up to many people. Some days Phichit is surprised that he’s even managed to be the person that Yuuri trusts, especially since he’s been really pushy lately, wanting to know what plagues Yuuri’s mind. He doesn’t usually share, too embarrassed sometimes by the fact that he has human emotions or sometimes just plain unable to voice what he’s experiencing. It was easier to be his friend, to let Yuuri work out what it was that was bothering him. Phichit annoys Yuuri sometimes by always trying to pry but he can’t leave him alone like that anymore. 

Phichit watches as Yuuri skates into the crossovers then into the triple axel, his heart aching as Yuuri puts his all into this performance. He has so much at stake here, and Phichit wants to see him put his demons to rest. He wants Yuuri to leave triumphant.

He still wants the gold medal for himself of course. But he wants his boyfriend to do well too.

#

Yuuri is in third place currently. Phichit is in fifth. A medal for either of them isn’t impossible at this point. Last year Yuuri ended the short program in fourth place before he had self destructed. 

“Hey, hey,” Phichit says, nudging him, and Yuuri knows that note in his tone. He’s frisky. “Can I kiss you?” 

“We have the free program tomorrow,” Yuuri says because this year they are back to back. Part of him prefers that because he can just get it all over with sooner. 

“All I asked for was a kiss,” Phichit says with a pout. 

“I don’t think we’ll stop with a kiss,” Yuuri says with a little smile. He doesn’t want to say no to this Phichit, who looks so cute and Yuuri gets him all to himself like this. This is a side of Phichit he can never share with his followers and Yuuri is the only one who gets to see him like this. 

“Okay, so we pretend like we’re new boyfriends and keep it simple,” Phichit says with a shrug, unconcerned. 

Yuuri takes his glasses off and sets them on the nightstand. Phichit gives a little cheer but Yuuri quickly smothers it in a kiss, groaning as Phichit’s hands quickly go under his shirt. Maybe Celestino had a point that they should have had separate rooms but it’s so much nicer to spend the night with his boyfriend, getting him to come and moan instead of worrying about his scores and placements. That anxiety is ever present of course but how can he focus on that when Phichit is begging so sweetly for Yuuri to touch him more? 

#

Phichit waves to the crowd in the kiss and cry but he knows without a doubt that he’s going home without a medal. He fell on one of his precious few quads and that’s enough to kick him out of the running. The only way he can even have a chance is if the other skaters fall more than he did; with Victor Nikiforov and Christophe Giacometti still to go, those odds are not likely. At this point he’ll be lucky not to end up dead last and he’s torn because he thinks being last again will destroy Yuuri, but he doesn’t want that position either. 

What he told Yuuri last year was true; last out of the six that managed to get the Final is damned good. But last is last, and this year, now that the sting of it is staring Phichit in the face, he can understand why Yuuri fell so low and stayed there. 

He’s not Yuuri though. Phichit sets his jaw as he leaves the kiss and cry, taking solace in Celestino while he can, because soon he’s going to have to go be at Yuuri’s side. Phichit’s chance is done and gone, dust on the ice, soon to melt. 

“You did good out there,” Celestino says. 

“I wanted to do better,” Phichit says and right now he’s just wound up, adrenaline still rushing through him. He’ll drop soon and god will that suck. He looks up at Celestino. “I landed my axel combination.” 

“Flawlessly too,” Celestino points out with a soft smile. He claps a hand on his shoulder. “You made history here tonight, Phichit. Not that kind you wanted to but your country is still proud.” 

Phichit wipes at his eyes. He wishes he could have done so much more. He could have, he was right there on the ice, he had the chance. 

But his chance is over now. His next big chance will be at Four Continents. Until then he has a lot of training and work to do. 

Celestino looks hesitant to leave him but he has Yuuri performing soon, and Phichit waves him off. He’s done. But Yuuri still has a chance. He settles into the stands to watch, eager to see Yuuri do well.

But a minute into his performance and Phichit knows. Yuuri isn’t going to win anything here tonight either. He’s not sure if it’s because Yuuri has changed his skate so many times or if it’s because of all the pressure he’s put on himself. But he’s so focused on the jumps he’s letting his presentation slide to the wayside, and that’s always been Yuuri’s biggest assist in terms for scoring. 

He wouldn’t call it soulless but there’s that indelible something missing from Yuuri’s skate tonight. 

When Yuuri comes off the ice, he’s exhausted. Phichit gets as close to the exit as he possibly can and he’s relieved that Yuuri lets himself be hugged the moment Phichit can get his hands on him.

“I didn’t fall,” Yuuri says but he knows as well as Phichit does that it means nothing. There’s a little shock in his face, a little confusion, but it’s mostly pain. Phichit ignores the cameras and videos and stares to take Yuuri into his arms, hiding his face from the world. 

“I know, baby,” Phichit murmurs. He strokes his head and just holds him. “I know.” 

He didn’t fall but he fell all the same. Yuuri doesn’t need to hear that right now though. Phichit feels Celestino’s gaze on them but doesn’t move until Yuuri shifts, composed once again. He wipes away at his eyes, still upset but able to keep it together for now.

The question now is whether they get the last two places together or if Yuuri will get fourth. It’s still not impossible for the last two skaters to botch it completely. But the odds are slim. 

They ignore the next skater’s performance but Phichit nudges at Yuuri, because he knows Yuuri would never forgive himself for missing one of Victor Nikiforov’s programs live. 

But instead of the wide eyed dazzlement that usually accompanies Yuuri watching a Victor skate, he’s slightly contemplative, eyebrows drawn together.

“What’s wrong?” Phichit asks.

“It’s beautiful but…” Yuuri trails off and Phichit looks away from Victor Nikiforov’s skating to give Yuuri a questioning look. He’s rarely heard Yuuri critique Victor’s skating. It usually requires sleep deprivation and a deadly mix of vodka and energy shots, so it happened once last year around finals and Phichit will forever mourn that his phone memory was too full to take the video. 

“But what?” Phichit asks, turning back to watch since Yuuri never took his eyes off of Victor. 

“I don’t know,” Yuuri murmurs. To Phichit’s surprise Yuuri seeks out his hand and gives it a squeeze. Which convinces Phichit that there is something wrong and he wishes Yuuri could explain it because he can’t see anything wrong with Victor’s skating. It’s stupidly good as always. 

“Oh,” Yuuri says with a gasp as he reads the score. Phichit watches as Victor Nikiforov’s name drops to the second slot for the first time in five years and Christophe Giacometti’s name rises to the top. 

“Oh,” Phichit repeats in surprise as the crowd around them goes wild at Chris’ upset victory. 

#

The Grand Prix Final banquet had been fun, and a good chance for Phichit to take a thousand selfies with his boyfriend and all the other top skaters. He’s even managed to get some with Victor Nikiforov, which had made Yuuri burn in fannish delight and embarrassment. 

They’re in their room now, naked and panting after a round of sex, which Phichit is sure was their way of mourning their respective losses. It’s better than pouting or depression crying, or binging on soap operas, which Phichit has done before to his great disgust. 

“I wanted to win,” Phichit says and Yuuri makes a confused noise before he realizes what Phichit is talking about. 

“Is that why you were so distracted?” Yuuri says, running a finger over his hip. 

“It was sort of the champagne too,” Phichit admits, closing his eyes as Yuuri strokes his skin, aimless but content. He’s not trying to rile Phichit up and it just plain feels nice. “It’s been a while since we got drunk.” 

“We’re too busy,” Yuuri says, a little sadly. “And uh, we tend to, you know…” 

“Dude, drunk sex is great, I love it,” Phichit says then he pauses and shifts so he can look Yuuri in the eyes. “Well, I like all sex with you, so I guess that’s not really a surprise.

Sure enough, Yuuri flushes, and Phichit snickers a little as he tries to hide under the blankets. 

“You can’t just say things like that,” Yuuri says with a whine. 

“You just ate out my ass but I can’t say I like it?” Phichit says, amused. Yuuri covers his face with the blankets and mumbles at him, the words too muffled to make out. 

Phichit tries to rip the blanket away but Yuuri saw that coming, and he has a death grip on the blanket. They struggle for a few minutes until it gets too hot and Yuuri pops his head up, laughing and red faced. 

Yuuri ends up curled up on his chest, and they stay like that for a few minutes, until his breathing is easy and calm again. Phichit would almost think him asleep but he can feel Yuuri’s heart, the way it’s hammering in his chest, and he waits for Yuuri to speak, somehow expecting it. 

“I lost twice,” Yuuri murmurs into his chest. His shoulders shake and Phichit wouldn’t be surprised if he was sobbing. He can’t see his face from this angle and instead he just rubs at his back, pats his hair, whatever touch and comfort he can provide. 

“You didn’t get last this time though,” Phichit says, knowing full well what a thin comfort that is. And he’s the one who gets that dubious honor. 

“What am I supposed to say to that?” Yuuri asks with a wet laugh. “I’m proud of you for it? But for myself it was the worst. There’s a word for that, isn’t there, when it’s okay for one person but not for you?” 

“Probably but I get you,” Phichit says. He shifts a little but Yuuri doesn’t move. He’s definitely been crying then. “This is a Grand Prix Final for the records and I wanted to be part of it.” 

“You are,” Yuuri says. 

He is. But being the first Thai skater to get to the Grand Prix Final isn’t the same as winning it. Or dethroning the reigning champion. And Yuuri understands that, even if he’s trying to make him feel better about it all. 

“I can’t believe Victor lost,” Yuuri murmurs, and the change of subject is welcome for them both. Silver isn’t always a loss but for Victor Nikiforov it is. 

“Me either but I don’t think you’re as surprised as you say you are,” Phichit says, remembering Yuuri’s pensive look during Victor’s free program. 

Yuuri makes a thoughtful noise. He taps his index finger against Phichit’s chest, an unsteady beat as he gathers his thoughts. 

“I can’t describe it. But I guess part of me somewhere knew that not even Victor could win with a performance like that,” Yuuri finally says. 

“Like what?” Phichit asks, confused. 

Yuuri shrugs. 

“I don’t know how to explain it. It was a feeling. Like he didn’t have a reason to skate. He just was.” Yuuri shakes his head. “That doesn’t make any sense.” 

“Yeah, I was going to say, of course has a reason to skate, he has his titles to defend,” Phichit says. He pats Yuuri on the back. “Sorry your favorite skater lost, by the way.” 

“I’m sorry you lost too,” Yuuri says and Phichit pokes his armpit, thrilled at the response even if he knows it’s a bald faced lie.

Yuuri sighs and sits up, wiping at his eyes again though they’re dry now. 

“I don’t want to fail again at Nationals,” Yuuri says, steel in his voice. 

Phichit sits up as well and cups his face, looking him in the eye. 

“I don’t think you will,” Phichit says. He remembers Yuuri last year at this time. He’s different, a fire under him thanks to his impending retirement. 

“Good,” Yuuri says and lets Phichit kiss him, then push him back down onto the bed. They’re going to be exhausted tomorrow but plane rides are for sleeping.


	7. Chapter 7

“So, there’s something i have to tell you. Ask you? There’s a thing I want to talk to you about,” Phichit says as he’s cleaning the dishes up after dinner since it’s his turn. 

“Okay?” Yuuri asks as he wracks his brain for anything he’s fucked up recently. He forgot to lock the door the other day before he left but nothing bad had happened other than Phichit has been low key panicking about that happening again. 

And he didn’t buy the right kind of toothpaste when he went to the store the last time but he’s mostly suffering that one since Phichit went back and bought the ‘right’ kind. It’s not bad, just different, and it’s not a huge deal except apparently to Phichit who has deemed this one too minty and an abomination to his delicate mouth. 

“I want to go to Nationals with you,” Phichit says and Yuuri relaxes for a moment. 

“Oh, sure. I thought I had done something wrong,” he says. 

Phichit blinks at him. 

“Just like that? It’s fine? This was a huge deal at the beginning of the year! Celestino will never forgive me for the hair dye but really, he was asking for it, and I could have used permanent stuff. Plus I can’t believe he didn’t believe me; I was so innocently convincing!” Phichit shakes his head. “Not the point.” 

“Well, you’ve said it before that you want to go to my Nationals,” Yuuri says. “You’ve got a little bit of time to breathe before Four Continents. I don’t know. I guess I got the idea into my head that you would be coming along too,” Yuuri says, a little abashed. He scratches at the back of his head, unable to look Phichit in the eyes. He can’t say things like Phichit can, though he’s been trying lately, since Phichit always beams like the sun when he does and he loves that look on him, the look of Phichit so dearly loved that he shines. 

Like now, how Phichit is staring at him like he put the stars in the sky, when really all Yuuri did was say how he felt. 

“Did you already buy tickets to All Japan?” Yuuri asks. 

“To the event, yes. But not the hotel or the plane. I wanted to make sure it was okay with you first,” Phichit says seriously.

Yuuri stares at him for a moment then wraps him in a hug. Phichit’s shoulders sag in relief. But it really does mean a lot to him that Phichit is taking the time to ask him, even though it’ll be more expensive at this point to get a hotel room and plane tickets. He feels bad about that but he feels warm despite the cold of the rink, touched at how Phichit is learning to deal with how ridiculous he can be about some things. He needs to step up his game and return the favor to Phichit. 

“Thank you,” Yuuri whispers. Then he lets go and straights up. “Did you tell Celestino yet?”

“Nope,” Phichit says. “I wanted to check with you first. Celestino can get mad at me, I don’t care, I want to be there to support you.” 

Of course there was a catch. Phichit is batting his eyelashes at him, clearly asking for help in approaching their coach, and Yuuri has admitted defeat before he even had a chance. 

“Okay, I’ll tell him,” Yuuri says with a sigh. Phichit cheers and throws himself at Yuuri once more, planting a bit wet kiss on his cheek. 

Sure enough, when they go to the rink the next day, Celestino does not take the idea well.

"You are absolutely not coming to Japan with us!" Celestino says. 

#

"I can't believe you," Celestino says for the hundredth time during this trip.

Phichit only grins as they step off the train and Yuuri has to hide a smile at the overly pleased look on his boyfriend's face.

“Don’t worry, Coach, I know you would have missed me too much to leave me behind,” Phichit says in a breezy tone which only riles up Celestino more. 

“You are not to distract Yuuri. He’s here to win his title back. If I catch you messing around with him-“

“Celestino!” Yuuri exclaims, hiding his face in his hands. 

“I mean it exactly like that. I don’t want any signs of hickeys, or weird limping, or-“ 

“Please stop,” Yuuri chokes out as Phichit cackles.

They check into their hotel without issues and Yuuri sighs as he hangs his costumes up, absently adjusting the sequins.

“I’ve never seen Celestino so mad,” Yuuri says and Phichit shrugs, swinging his legs back and forth. 

“I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me for the hair dye thing,” Phichit says. He snorts a little as he remembers it. His dad had texted him and when they had video chatted, he’d spent a good fifteen minutes howling over it. He’d done the same thing to Celestino as a prank in their youth, but he’d used a temporary black dye that had come out after a handful of washes so Celestino had taken it a lot better. “Don’t worry, I’m too adorable to hate forever. Come here and snuggle with me.” 

Phichit pats the bed, legs crossed and a waggle of his eyebrows. Yuuri snorts a little, knowing Phichit is not asking for anything innocent, but he climbs on top of him and presses him down into the bed with a kiss. 

Phichit lets him before he takes over, wanting to drive Yuuri out of his mind. It’s the best way to take the stress off, though Yuuri hasn’t seemed that nervous yet, not like he usually is before a competition. 

“No marks,” Yuuri warns him as Phichit starts to lick at his neck. 

“I know,” Phichit pouts. 

Yuuri rolls them over so that he’s straddling Phichit, delicious as he grinds his ass against Phichit’s hips. 

“You can’t mark me but I can mark you,” Yuuri says and leans down to bite at Phichit’s neck. 

“Oh hell yes,” Phichit whimpers. 

It’s worth it for the dirty looks that Celestino shoots him the next day but as promised, Yuuri is pristine and fucking glowing. 

“I’m never bringing you to Japan again,” Celestino swears. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring you,” Yuuri promises him and Phichit nearly swoons. Celestino gives them a look then sighs, helpless. They are a very cute couple, after all. And Celestino can’t stay mad forever at him. He’s too cute. 

He’s not sure what he’s expecting when he arrives at the rink for the Japanese nationals but it’s much busier than expected. 

At Phichit’s look of surprise Celestino laughs a little. 

“They take figure skating here very seriously,” Celestino says. 

“The women are amazing,” Yuuri adds in. But at this point Phichit isn’t surprised that Yuuri doesn’t include himself in that category, despite being the favorite to win here. Yuuri looks around. “I wonder if Rena-chan is still competing.” 

“She’ll find you if she is,” Celestino says. 

“Should I be jealous?” Phichit asks though he already knows the answer. 

“She’s married,” Yuuri says absently, ignoring or oblivious to the fact that there are posters with his face all over them. He’s pretty blatantly in the front of them too, clearly one of the stars of this event. 

“When did you take this photo? Why don’t I get to see these things?” Phichit complains as he makes them hold up so he can get a picture with one, to Yuuri’s great embarrassment. 

“You know he doesn’t like photo shoots,” Celestino says, ruining half the photos with his massive thumb. Phichit eventually gives up and pulls out his selfie stick when Yuuri refuses to take the pictures for him, the butt. 

But then someone recognizes Yuuri and asks for an autograph, and Phichit watches as a crowd draws around them. Celestino doesn’t even seem fazed, keeping an eye on the time and staying close to Yuuri.

"You have a lot of fans," Phichit notes, murmuring in his ear. 

Yuuri jumps a little and then shakes his head. 

"I really don't," he says as he finishes signing the ticket the young boy had handed him. 

"That was like ten people in a row that wanted you to sign something," Phichit says. 

"Don't bother, Phichit," Celestino says, giving Yuuri a gentle nudge to keep walking. Phichit glances over to see more people getting ready to line up and ask for autographs and handshakes, but they begin to scatter once they realize that Yuuri is moving on. "He won't accept it." 

"Is it because you're comparing yourself to Victor Nikiforov again? That guy doesn't count." 

"Of course he counts," Yuuri says, mildly offended as he always is whenever Phichit disparages him. 

"No he doesn't because I'm pretty sure most people who are fans of him are just fans because of his face, not because of his skating." Phichit pauses. "You are pretty cute too though so I guess that could be true of you too." 

"You're biased," Yuuri says, flushing a little.

"I'm the luckiest guy in the world," Phichit says and he wants to kiss Yuuri so bad right now but he knows it wouldn't end well. Yuuri doesn't even hold his hand in America; there's no way he would kiss him in Japan. Yuuri had tried to explain it but the goddamn wikipedia page had been more englithening than Yuuri's awkward attempts. 

“Stop flirting in front of me,” Celestino says, mostly to Phichit. “Yuuri needs to focus. This is why you were supposed to stay in Detroit.” 

“I am here for emotional support and sometimes that includes flirting. Sorry, Coach,” Phichit says. Yuuri tries to cover his laugh but Celestino just sighs. 

“It’s okay, Celestino,” Yuuri says. “Phichit-kun is not as distracting as he wishes he were. I’m glad he’s here.” 

“You weren’t supposed to say that out loud,” Celestino scolds as Phichit lights up and beams at him. 

To Phichit’s surprise, he’s allowed in the back with them, though he quickly gets separated from Yuuri who is snapped up by reporters and photographers. Again, this all seems to be within Celestino’s expectations, because he tells Phichit that they’ll catch up with him later and to text if he needs anything. 

It isn’t until it’s time for the last official practice before the event starts that Phichit gets to see Yuuri again, and this time, Celestino shoves Yuuri at him before disappearing to handle an issue with the cd. 

“You seem busy,” Phichit says with a smile as Yuuri takes a small sip of water. 

“The usual National madness,” Yuuri says with a grimace. He keeps glancing at the ice, and Phichit knows that look, the eagerness to glide and move. Yuuri is ready for today and Phichit is so glad to see it. 

“I can’t wait to see you win gold here again,” Phichit says, holding his hands. He wants to be the ice with Yuuri right now but it’s not his time. This is Yuuri’s home turf and battleground all in one. 

“Yeah,” he says, glancing around as if to check if anyone heard him. 

“You can say it, you know?” Phichit says. Yuuri looks back at him with a confused blink. “That you want to win gold. Everyone wants to. That's why they’re all here, right? You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say you want to take first place. You always talk about wanting to do your best.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yuuri says, honest confusion in his expression. Phichit holds back a groan. Instead he pats Yuuri’s hand and lets go, making a shooing motion. 

“I figured you wouldn’t know. Go on and skate. I’m pretty sure Celestino is glaring at me for flirting with you.” 

“He is,” Celestino says and Phichit swallows. “You do know that warm up time is limited? Oh wait, you do, because you’re also a figure skater. So why are you eating up Yuuri’s time?” 

“Bye, Phichit-kun,” Yuuri says and skates off like the traitor that he is. 

“I was giving him a pep talk,” Phichit says. 

“That didn’t look like a pep talk,” Celestino says. 

“It’s Yuuri. Does encouragement ever work on him?” Phichit asks and Celestino grunts, unable to argue but not wanting to concede victory.

He watches Yuuri skate for a bit then notices one of the other skaters, a young man with blond hair and a fashionable streak of red in it, also watching Yuuri more than actually skating. Phichit nudges Celestino and to his surprise, he smothers a laugh. 

“Minami Kenjirou,” Celestino says. “He’s expected to make the podium.”

“That’s not what I was asking and you know it,” Phichit says, a little scolding. 

“It’s obvious he’s a fan of Yuuri,” Celestino says, amused. He gives Phichit a slap on the back. “Don’t worry, he’s no competition for you.” 

“I’m not worried about competition,” Phichit says with a laugh. It’s Yuuri he’s watching, because he’s noticed the attention, and he’s stiffened up. 

Instead of beating around the bush, when Yuuri finishes with practice and steps off the ice, Phichit strikes.

“Dude, that little guy is such a huge fan of yours,” Phichit says and Yuuri winces. 

“I know that much,” Yuuri says. He grimaces. “He’s just so…”

“Enthusiastic? Over the top? Does it offend your delicate sensibilities?” Phichit asks, with a teasing smile. He likes that Yuuri has such a devoted fan, though he’s obviously the number one Yuuri Katsuki fan. That’s his privilege as de facto boyfriend. 

“There’s just..no point in it,” Yuuri says, struggling to find the words. He detaches his glove and takes it off, shaking it out and slipping it back on. 

Phichit knows the nervous tic for what it is but instead he just gives Yuuri a sad smile. Yuuri is his own worst enemy and it hurts to see. He doesn’t think he’s the person who can help him; he’s pretty sure this is a demon that Yuuri has to conquer himself. But he wants to help so bad. 

“Is it so bad to be a fan of Yuuri Katsuki?” Phichit asks softly. 

“There are better people to be fans of,” Yuuri says shortly. 

“I dunno. You work hard, you’re honest if a little dumb, and you love figure skating. I think he could do a lot worse. Maybe you don’t have all the medals like other people do, but you’re not the worst example,” Phichit says and Yuuri looks at him in surprise. 

“What do you want me to do?” Yuuri asks. 

“Go say hi to him. Make his day. Wish him luck,” Phichit says. He lowers his eyes for a moment. “It might be his last chance to see his hero on the same ice as him.” 

That strikes a note in Yuuri somehow, Phichit isn’t exactly sure how, but Yuuri steps away and a few moments later he can hear that Minami is hyperventilating. Yuuri quickly retreats, looking terrified, but Phichit just laughs at him. 

“You’d do the same thing if Victor Nikiforov complimented you,” Phichit says. 

“I would die a happy death,” Yuuri says, far too seriously. Phichit believes him. 

There’s minutes to go before it’s Yuuri’s turn to skate. Celestino is checking over his costume, the last minute pep talk. Then Yuuri looks at Phichit for his final words as Phichit beckons him with a finger.

“Are you sure you don’t want a good luck kiss?” Phichit asks with a wicked smirk. 

Yuuri gives him a flat look then turns to Celestino, giving him a peck on the cheek. Celestino’s eyes go wide with surprise and not even Phichit is fast enough with his phone to catch the satisfied look on Yuuri’s face before he skates away. 

“You asshole,” Phichit calls out after him, not caring about the people watching them. His boyfriend is such a jerk sometimes. 

“Please don’t get me involved in your nonsense,” Celestino says as he wipes at his cheek, though he can’t help but laugh at Phichit, who is honestly offended. He’s right here! He’s a way better kisser than Celestino and he’s a heck of a lot hotter!

“Jackass,” Phichit says, mostly to Yuuri but it could apply to Celestino too. They’re both against him. 

“It’s good though,” Celestino says. “He’s not usually like this before skating. Playful, you know? Usually he’s stressed out.” 

“Yeah,” Phichit’s with a fond smile. He can’t wait to see Yuuri skate like this. 

Yuuri is still smiling as he starts skating, though it quickly melts away as he focuses on his performance. Usually he’s skating like it’s his last chance but today, it seems brighter somehow, like he’s enjoying himself. 

He lands his quad toe loop, textbook perfect, and Phichit and Celestino both punch the air. 

“Stop copying me,” Celestino says after Phichit claps after Yuuri’s first spin. 

“I’m not even watching you,” Phichit says, eyes only for Yuuri right now. He loves this, the way Yuuri is dancing across the ice, pure joy and content as he pushes his body to show what he’s feeling on that all too hidden inside. Because this happiness, it’s part of Phichit’s doing, and he doesn’t have the words to describe how loved he feels right now. It’s probably not a conscious thing that Yuuri planned but Phichit knows, he knows, how loved he is. 

“Fuck yes, Yuuri, go!” Phichit screams as Yuuri lands the quad sal and moves into the next steps. 

Phichit doesn’t care that he makes a fool of himself. He’ll be a great meme, whatever; his boyfriend just fucking nailed the short program and Phichit already knows that the other kids here won’t be able to compete with the performance that Yuuri just threw down. He screams and jumps until Celestino puts a hand on his back to calm him down. 

“I wish you had seen Phichit’s reaction,” Celestino says, first thing to Yuuri. 

“Huh? Why?” Yuuri asks, sucking at his drink as they wait for the scores they all know will get him to the top spot.

“It was exciting and probably way over the top,” Phichit says cheerily. “But you were amazing! How could I be anything other than excited?” 

“It was a beautiful performance,” Celestino says, which is true but so blasé about the way Yuuri had just skated. 

“Thank you,” Yuuri says to them both, though he still looks confused about what they were talking about. Phichit will have to show him later. 

Much later, as it turns out, because Japan is thrilled that their ace is back in top form. Yuuri and Celestino are snapped up for interviews and sound bites. Phichit ends up eating dinner alone and reading the news articles in their room. When Yuuri does finally return, he sits out on the balcony, clearly needing the fresh air. Phichit joins him as soon as he plugs his phone in to charge. 

“A national champion taking a much earned break,” he says, pretending to take a picture. 

Yuuri rolls his eyes at him and pats the chair next to him. 

“I’m not the winner yet,” he says. 

“You scored twenty points above the next guy,” Phichit says. “I think it’s safe to call it.” 

“You really think so,” Yuuri says blankly and Phichit winces a little, remembering the disaster of last year, then shrugs. 

“I know you can,” he says softly as he sits down, the chairs pushed up against one another so that their legs can touch.

“It’s nice to be back in Japan,” Yuuri says and Phichit leans his head on Yuuri’s shoulder. Part of him is worried that Yuuri will want to come back to Japan to live for good. But they don’t know yet how the future will turn out. And he knows they have a heavy conversation about this waiting for them. 

But for now, with a Yuuri fresh off a first place victory in the short program, and looking calm about it, he finds he doesn’t have the space to worry about it. 

“Those boys will have a big space to fill next year,” Phichit says, not liking the taste of the words in his mouth but forcing himself to say them. 

Yuuri nods and looks down at his hands. 

“I think they can do it though. You saw them. They’re all trying so hard. Minami-kun is probably the most well rounded though his axel needs work. But even the other skaters, they’re ready, I think.” 

“I don’t think any of them can beat Japan’s Ace though,” Phichit says with a smile. 

Yuuri laughs a little, looks away with a blush, because he hates the nickname. He calls it a media stunt. Phichit disagrees; he sees the wave of flags with Yuuri’s name and likeness in the crowd where Yuuri can’t. Yuuri is Japan’s top skater for a reason. He’s the one who can get into the Grand Prix Final, the one they pin their hopes on at Worlds and Four Continents. 

Phichit looks at his boyfriend, who is so talented and yet can’t see it, who is skating with everything he has for his last year, and he aches for Yuuri to continue. He could accomplish so much more. 

“Are you sure you want to quit after this year?” Phichit murmurs, unable to help himself. 

“Phichit,” Yuuri sighs his name out. 

“I know,” Phichit says. “I know.” 

He rubs his thumb over the back of Yuuri’s hand. 

“I know,” he whispers one more time. 

#

“We should celebrate,” Phichit says. 

“This isn’t celebrating?” Yuuri says, panting and covered in sweat from the last round of sex they just had. He’s wearing nothing but his gold medal and Phichit could come again just from this sight. In fact, his cock stirs, but he’s spent for the night. 

“No, we should eat some katsudon,” Phichit says and Yuuri frowns at him. 

“We could? But you know my family’s is the best. Remember you tried it in Detroit?” 

“God that was such a disappointment,” Phichit says. Yuuri had warned him about it too. “But no, I think we should stop by the onsen and eat a bowl there! We’re in Japan right now. Let’s just grab a train and go.” 

“We have plane tickets already,” Yuuri says. He shakes his head. “I never have the time.”

“You never make the time,” Phichit corrects. “We don’t have to stay there for a month or even a week. Just a day.” 

“It’s not possible,” Yuuri says. 

“Let me talk to Celestino,” Phichit says and Yuuri rolls his eyes. Then he reaches down to grab Phichit’s cock and it’s totally revenge because Phichit barely manages to turn his scream into a hiss. 

“One more time?” Yuuri asks. “Please?” 

“Oh fuck you, you evil man,” Phichit whines as Yuuri crawls down to his dick and starts kissing it. It hurts to get hard again but it’s still happening and he doesn’t want to stop it. “You evil, evil man.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yuuri says in a too innocent voice. Then he swallows his cock as much as he can and Phichit nearly sits up in the shock of warmth and wet. But Yuuri’s body unintentionally prevents that and all Phichit can do is fail to cover his cries. 

When Yuuri gets off, his mouth is wet with spit and he licks his lips. 

“Come here so I can kiss you,” Phichit pants out. 

Yuuri raises an eyebrow at him but obeys, grinding his cock against whatever part of Phichit he can reach. Phichit rolls his hips back and whimpers in pain. But he doesn’t stop, especially not as Yuuri breaks away so he can sit on Phichit’s cock. 

“Stop laughing,” Yuuri mutters as he misses and Phichit’s dick glides against his ass again. 

It still feels nice but Phichit plants his feet on the bed and helps Yuuri this time. The first two times he pounded Yuuri into the bed but he doesn’t have the energy for that again. Instead, Yuuri sinks down and groans as he feels Phichit fill him up, taking a few moments to breathe and get familiar again with the stretch of him.

Then he starts rocking his hips, taking his pleasure from Phichit, and he’s the most beautiful sight Phichit has ever seen. His medal bounces against his chest as he speeds up and Phichit gathers up the last of his strength so he can fuck Yuuri back.

“Phichit, right there, more there, please,” Yuuri babbles as he gets closer to his climax. 

“You’re going to make it fall off,” Phichit whines. It’s so good but his body is screaming at him that he needs rest. 

Yuuri takes himself in hand and Phichit shouts as he feels Yuuri’s ass tighten around him. He feels Yuuri’s release hit his stomach and then he’s gone, his body reduced to jelly and his mind nothing but cotton. 

“That was so good,” Yuuri murmurs as he rocks himself back and forth, slow and steady as he chases down the last drops of his orgasm. He pulls himself off and flops down beside Phichit. “Thank you.” 

“I’m dead,” Phichit whispers and he can’t even summon the energy to glare at Yuuri when he badly chokes off a laugh. “My penis is never going to work again. You killed it, you sicko.” 

“It’ll be fine,” Yuuri says, reaching down and patting it. Phichit hisses in pain. Yuuri gives him an unimpressed look then sighs. “I’ll clean you up, okay?” 

“I’m not forgiving you yet. But it’s a good start,” Phichit says as Yuuri gets up. He holds out his arms. “Pick me up.” 

“You are so dramatic,” Yuuri pretends to complain. “Wait for me to fill the bathtub and then I’ll come pick you up, okay?” 

“Okay,” Phichit says in a singsong voice. He drops his arms and stretches out, contentedly waiting for his warm bath and his boyfriend to pamper him. 

#

“You’re crazy,” Yuuri says again when Phichit reminds him of what his plan is and Celestino echoes his words the next morning, but with more admiration. 

“You can’t stay there too long,” he warns and Yuuri’s mouth drops open at him. He smiles at Yuuri. “I always say you should visit your family while you’re in the country but you never do. I think it’s a good idea.” 

“Celestino is right, you’re not allowed to come with me anywhere, you get crazy ideas,” Yuuri says and Phichit just laughs. He’s so thankful that Celestino agrees with him otherwise it would be that much more difficult to convince Yuuri. Yuuri sighs. “Fine. I’ll call my parents to expect us.” 

“I’ll see you in Detroit then,” Celestino says. And that’s that. 

“Make the call,” Phichit says dramatically and ducks when Yuuri glares at him. “Oh stop pouting at me! You know you’re happy about this.” 

“I’m leaving you in Detroit next time. Blocking your number. And your instagram,” Yuuri threatens under his breath as he calls his parents. His look changes as someone picks up on the other end. 

“I’m here too!” Phichit pipes into the phone, otherwise they’ll start talking in Japanese and Phichit can’t understand a lick of it yet. It’s something he’s going to have to work on. 

“Phichit-kun,” Hiroko greets him warmly. “You are in Japan with Yuuri too, I saw on your twitter! Thank you for coming with him. I’m sure he enjoyed your company.” 

Yuuri coughed a little and Phichit smirks at him, but his tone and meaning are innocent as he tells her that they had a lot of fun. 

“I wanted to ask if it was okay for us to come by and visit?” Yuuri asks. 

“Oh!” Hiroko exclaims. “Of course! I can’t wait!”

“I’m sorry, it’ll only be a short visit,” Yuuri apologizes. 

“No, no, it’s fine! It’s good!” Hiroko’s tone softens and warms. “We want you to come.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri says with a cough. “We’ll be there soon.” 

He hangs up and stares at the phone. 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” he murmurs. 

“Road trip to the family’s house,” Phichit exclaims and throws an arm around Yuuri. “We have to soak in the onsen and eat some katsudon. I’ll get on a train sopping wet, I don’t even care. I’m not passing up a chance to miss it.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri says absently. 

Phichit gives him a searching look. There’s a lot he doesn’t understand about Yuuri Katsuki even though he would comfortably say he’s one of the people who knows him best. This is one of those things where he’s not sure if he should pry. He knows that the Katsuki’s love their son even if the way they go about it isn’t what Phichit is used to. And he knows Yuuri shares that same affection. 

“If it’s not okay-“

“My mom is expecting us now. We can’t disappoint her,” Yuuri says with a little smile. “I bet you they’re already making us katsudon. I won gold, I can eat it, and you’re not going to stop me now.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Phichit says with a laugh though none of his worries gone. He’s just more confused now. 

Phichit doesn’t hesitate to take advantage of a Yuuri in a high mood though, and he easily agrees to featuring in Phichit’s selfies as he live tweets their trip to ‘home’. There’s a reason Phichit is the favorite son and it’s cause he knows how to advertise. Whether he’s advertising Yuuri or the onsen more is up for debate right now, but Yuuri doesn’t seem to care, simply enjoying making faces for the camera at times when he’s usually too hyper aware of the fact that he has fans. 

Phichit smiles as they near the onsen, the sign up already adjusted to account for Yuuri’s National win. 

He watches as Yuuri greets his parents and sister, at how polite and formal it is, and wonders if it’s a culture thing or a Yuuri thing. It's hard to tell sometimes. And it might be something he questions for a long time.

#

“I’m telling you, I’m going to hire a contractor when we get back to Detroit and install one of these,” Phichit says with an unearthly groan as he steps into the onsen. 

“It’ll be a glorified hot tub,” Yuuri says with a little sniff, already in and soaking. He’s so pleasantly full from dinner. He suspects his mother had given him a larger portion than normal but he can’t find it in him to care right now. He’s won, he’s feasted, and now he was going to soak in his family’s onsen. A perfect day. An impossible day. “This is a natural hot spring.” 

“Oh shut up and let me dream,” Phichit says. “I’ve seen you crying in the bathtub because it doesn’t compare.” 

“I wasn’t crying,” Yuuri says though he knows what Phichit is saying. No apartment bathtub can compare to this heavenly bliss. 

Yuuri sighs as he stretches out, smiling a little when Phichit’s toes bump against him.

“Hey can I ask you something?” Phichit asks and Yuuri has a feeling he knows what the question will be but he gives a hum of agreement. “Why didn’t you visit your family before? It wasn’t that much more expensive to come out here. And you definitely have the time for a short trip before Four Continents. I just don’t get it.” 

“I dunno,” Yuuri says. He knows that’s not a good answer nor one that Phichit will accept, and he glances over to see Phichit giving him a look, eyebrows raised and all. He sinks down in the water then comes back up, shrugging again. “It wasn’t the right time?” 

“I hope that feels as bullshitty coming out of your mouth as it sounds,” Phichit says with a roll of his eyes and Yuuri can’t help a smile. He likes this part of Phichit, who won’t let him get away with crap, not even out of sympathy. 

Yuuri thinks for a few minutes, watching the ripples in the water as they move around. 

“I guess I wanted to come back with something,” Yuuri says as he closes his eyes and leans his head back. He knows that Phichit is watching him and he can’t look at him right now as he tries to find the words to explain why he’d needed to return to Japan, and why he hadn’t before, why he had no plans to return this year. 

“With a medal,” Phichit confirms. But that’s not quite right. 

“Medals,” Yuuri murmurs. “World records. Something. You know. Substantial. I wanted to come back in…” He trails off, unable to complete the sentence. He wanted to come home a champion, in glory and victory. Instead he’d come home in failure. 

It hurts to pull even those words out of his mouth. It’s only because it’s Phichit that he can even think them. 

It doesn’t strike him until now but Phichit could probably understand. He’s skating for his whole country, he’s a trailblazer for the winter sports, and Yuuri doesn’t need to be that. He just wants to stand at the top of an already well oiled machine. Phichit is creating with every stroke of his skates. 

Of course he would want to bring back a gold medal, to prove that his endeavor is worthwhile.

“I asked you at Nationals,” Phichit says slowly. “But why is that a bad thing? Why does it have to be a secret?” 

Yuuri doesn’t have an answer so he doesn’t say anything. That’s not him. It’s not something he can say so easily, like how Phichit can, or the other skaters. He doesn’t know why he’s like this but he knows that he can’t say that sort of thing easily. It’s hard enough to think it some days. 

After a while Phichit starts up a more safe topic, talking about what they’re going to do when they get back to Detroit. They fall back into easier conversation up until Mari-neechan kicks them out of the onsen, despite their pouting. 

“Mom is trying to get you to take a ‘katsudon’ bento and Dad told her she was crazy,” Mari-neechan says with a shrug and a smile as she watches Yuuri dry his hair. Then her expression flattens. “I think they’re having sex now.” 

Yuuri pulls a face. He didn’t need Mari-neechan to tell him that. 

“I already had my katsudon,” Yuuri says. 

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, I think she’ll give it up,” Mari-neechan says. “You’re still getting a bento though.” 

“Hell yeah we are,” Phichit says. “Those are the little boxes, right? I love those things.” 

“They don’t have to,” Yuuri says, a token protest. He already knows they’re getting some to take on the train.

“I already had to pull the boxes out, you’re getting them,” Mari-neechan says. 

“Thanks,” Yuuri says. 

Mari-neechan lingers by the door for a moment before leaving.

“It was good to see you,” Mari-neechan says. “I’m glad this guy made you stop by.” 

“Yeah,” Yuuri says as Phichit beams. “Goodnight, Mari-neechan.” 

“Night you two,” she says and leaves them. 

The morning is a bit more hectic, mostly because Yuuri is having trouble looking at his parents in the eyes for a good hour before he forgets as they make their way out the door. He feels bad that he’s interrupting their whole routine because they have morning customers. But Mari-neechan notices his look and pokes him in the forehead. 

“Cut it out,” she says as they get into the car so she can drop them off at the train station.

“Ouch, what?” Yuuri places a hand over his forehead. 

“Mom’s going to be happy about this for weeks,” she says. “Dad too. They miss you, you dumbass.” 

“And you miss making fun of me, I get it,” Yuuri says but he’s comforted a little. It’s nice to be around Mari-neechan in that regard. She doesn’t always understand him but they grew up together and she knows how he gets about certain things. 

He thanks her properly for the ride and she waves him off, like usual. But he’s sincere. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s just older or he’s approaching his retirement, but it’s striking him anew at all the sacrifices his family has made so that Yuuri could go out and fight for his passion. 

“You guys talk too fast,” Phichit complains as they board the train. “How am I supposed to learn Japanese if you guys are babbling like that?” 

“What?” Yuuri asks, unsure if he heard him correctly. 

“What?” Phichit asks. “Is it weird I want to learn the language my boyfriend knows? Your dad’s accent is kind of thick sometimes though, I can’t catch any words he says.” 

“Oh yeah,” Yuuri says, taking refuge in that. “Yeah, there’s a regional accent. I think it gets worse as you get older or something because the older people who visit the onsen, even Mari-neechan and I have trouble understanding them sometimes.” 

He delves into explaining it further, Phichit nodding and asking questions, which Yuuri answers to the best of his ability.

They had traded teaching each other a few simple phrases a while back, something they had shared, but Yuuri hadn’t thought of it anymore than that. (And obviously sharing some of the more scandalous words and expressions). But Phichit apparently has been, as he explains and shows Yuuri the apps on his phone, though he admits it’s slow going since he’s focusing on his skating and schoolwork more. It makes Yuuri want to do the same, to be better for Phichit, to be everything he deserves and more. He has a lot of work to do in that regard. 

“Thank you,” Yuuri says. It can’t encompass everything. This trip, the way Phichit feels about him, Yuuri isn’t gifted enough with words in any language to explain how grateful he is for Phichit. He takes Phichit’s hand. “I just, thank you.” 

“No problem,” Phichit says softly, understanding the weight behind those words, eyes on their joined hands.

Yuuri watches as the landscape becomes less recognizable. Soon he’ll be back in America, back in Detroit, getting ready for Four Continents. But he’s so thankful he got even a few hours with his family, and he wishes he could explain to Phichit how thankful he is that he was cajoled into the visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://omtivi.tumblr.com/post/178779815945/my-pieces-for-liveloveyoibang-art


	8. Chapter 8

They have a month between their return from Japan and Four Continents, which means they’re working their asses off to train for the penultimate event of the year. 

Yuuri has started putting together pieces of choreography for the ice shows this summer, which he uses to cool down at the end of an on ice training session. 

Lately too they’ve been playing with the idea of pair skating, but it’s mostly just for fun, because Phichit loves the feeling of skating hand in hand with Yuuri. They’re nothing compared to the ice or pairs teams, something that Yuuri makes painfully clear to them all at any chance he gets, and Phichit is tempted to hit him upside the head the next time he says it, because excuse you, they would be an awesome skating duo. 

Celestino had pulled Yuuri aside to talk to him about coaching stuff, which Phichit hates to hear even if he’s sort of resigned to it at this point. It’s good that Yuuri doesn’t want to leave the ice entirely, like he seemed to this time last year. But Phichit is dreading the day they announce Yuuri’s retirement; which they still have made no move of doing so. 

But Yuuri had come home from the rink, upbeat and pleasant, though he hadn’t let Phichit slide his hands down his pants because Yuuri had pointed out that Phichit had homework to do with an all too gleeful smirk. 

“Do you really think that Victor will retire this year?” Yuuri asks as he watches an interview in Russian. It doesn’t look like he has subtitles on and Phichit is terrified to ask if he learned a whole another language just to keep up with his Victor obsession. 

“He might,” Phichit says. He hates finals and homework and studying. Yuuri is done with all of that and he is so jealous. The bastard is lounging on the couch while Phichit is slaving at the table. “He lost the Grand Prix Final to Chris and his Nationals to that new senior. But he won Europeans. Nothing like the new generation of skaters coming up to knock you off your throne, right?” 

“I guess,” Yuuri says, not having heard him, deep in thought. 

They’re quiet for a while more when Yuuri pipes up again.

“Do you still have that video of me? From Hasetsu, when I skated for Yu-chan?” Yuuri asks. 

Phichit stops typing and slowly looks up at Yuuri. 

“Yes. Why do you ask?” 

“Can you post it?” Yuuri asks, looking away from Phichit. 

Phichit stares at Yuuri, unsure of what he just heard him say.

“Why?’ Phichit asks after a minute of silence. 

“If this is Victor's last year then I want to show much he’s inspired me as skater,” Yuuri says. “It’ll be like a tribute to him.” 

“Are you sure?” Phichit asks. 

Yuuri nods. 

“Okay,” Phichit says. “Really sure? Because once it goes up it can’t come down. I refuse to do that. And the internet won’t let it die either.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Yuuri says, which Phichit understands to mean that Yuuri has probably spent a lot of time thinking about this and has absolutely settled on it. 

“You would wait until a year later when I’m not excited about it anymore,” Phichit says, though he feels himself beginning to stir as he thinks about all the attention it’s going to get. He sets about searching for it again, clicking it to watch, a little surprised when Yuuri goes to sit by him to join him. 

“I never saw it,” he says, a little awed. He watches himself skate but it’s always so critical. But here, he’s just watching, to see what everyone else will see. “Do you think he’ll see it?” 

“Probably,” Phichit says. “He’ll like it.” 

Yuuri bites his lip a little, wanting to protest it, but at the same time, he clearly wants his idol to acknowledge him. Phichit looks at him, understanding the pit and hesitation in his stomach. 

“You have always liked Victor a lot,” he says with a pout. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri says absently. Then it clicks for him and he laughs. “Victor won’t ask me out just over a video. And besides, you’re my boyfriend.” 

“Whatever,” Phichit says, mostly because he’s in shock that Yuuri even realized that much. He’s pretty dumb about this kind of stuff. “You don’t skate my routines for me,” Phichit half complains as he sets to downloading the video so he can do some minor editing on it. 

“I can’t believe you’re actually jealous,” Yuuri says, a little too amused. 

“I’m jealous a lot more than you think,” Phichit says. “You never notice when people hit on you. Or when they hit on me.”

“People hit on you? In front of me?” Yuuri asks, frowning. Phichit is not man enough to not admit that he finds this absolutely delightful. 

“All the time,” he says, exaggerating a little. He usually gets hit on when he’s by himself. Yuuri is the one who gets hit on when Phichit is around. Though of course, Phichit can’t see when he isn’t around, so that number is probably a lot higher; not that oblivious Yuuri Katsuki would notice. 

Yuuri’s frown deepens and he outright scowls. 

“Tell me next time,” he says, going over and wrapping his arms around Phichit. “You’re my boyfriend. People don’t get to hit on you.” 

“Ooh, is this some possessiveness I’m seeing?” Phichit asks, brightening. 

Yuuri kisses him in answer, forceful and claiming, and Phichit can’t help but whimper into it. When they break apart, Phichit is in a bit of a daze, and he thinks that this is a Yuuri he normally only sees on the ice, ready to skate and conquer. 

“I’m going to tell you every single time someone even looks at me,” Phichit says, as Yuuri pulls him down onto the couch, video uploading. Phichit spares a quick check on it though it’s going to be out of his mind soon enough. 

“Good,” Yuuri says, his voice rough with want. “I’ll show them all who you belong to.” 

Phichit moans and thrusts his hips up to Yuuri’s. He’s discovered a new side of Yuuri and he fucking loves it.

#

They leave for Four Continents tomorrow and Phichit has been on his phone, nonstop blogging and twittering about it, hyping himself up as much as he’s hyping the fans up. He’s not even remotely packed yet but Yuuri figures he’s going to have a fun half hour tomorrow watching Phichit throw everything into his suitcase at the last minute. At least his skating outfits are already packed away nicely. It’s the regular stuff that’ll get shoved into his suitcase haphazardly.

He’d tempted to mention that on his twitter but he really doesn’t do a lot on it. Then again, he thinks, as he watches Phichit post and post and post. 

“You responded to me!” Phichit exclaims and grins as Yuuri rejects his bet in favor of one for who takes out the trash. It’s already getting a steady stream of likes as people realize it’s the actual Yuuri Katsuki who responded. 

“Your idea was stupid,” Yuuri says without making eye contact, focused on the book he’s reading. It’s about coaching so Phichit automatically hates it on principle and so he’s required to distract Yuuri from it. Yuuri is pretty sure that’s Phichit’s goal whenever he mentions that he’s doing something on working towards coaching. 

“Your idea isn’t much better. Trash, Yuuri, really? That’s so childish,” he says. “I guess it makes sense why you’re idea is so dumb. We all know I’m going to beat you,” Phichit says with a smug look. 

“Only if everyone else falls on their asses,” Yuuri teases back. Then he glances at the tweet he just posted and gives a fake sigh. “Can you do better?” Yuuri challenges.

“Oh watch me,” Phichit says and types away. Yuuri looks at his phone and rolls his eyes. 

“‘Loser has to run around the building in their underwear?’ Really, Phichit?” He gives Phichit a flat look. “Do you know how much the JSF would murder me for a stunt like that? Not to mention Celestino would murder us both. He might still if he sees this one.” 

“You’re not fun,” Phichit says and Yuuri grins as he types his response. 

“I refuse to kiss a hockey player,” Phichit says with a glower at him. “How can you even speak such a thing? You bring shame to your family. And me. Mostly me. Why do you want me to kiss another dude? Is this a thing you have? It’s not going to happen, Mr. Pervert.”

“You sound scared,” Yuuri teases. 

“I could eat those dudes for breakfast and still have room for a protein bar,” Phichit declares. 

“Hm,” Yuuri says, tapping his chin and Phichit muffles a scream. 

“Let’s make a real bet,” Phichit says, eyes alight with an idea that Yuuri is going to regret agreeing to. 

“Like what?” He asks. 

“Hmm, well, you win, we’ll do that one thing you wanted to try,” Phichit says, speaking slowly and with a lascivious grin, motioning with his fingers and hands. 

Yuuri swallows. Phichit had pulled it out of him one night when they’d had just a few drinks. Phichit had declared his ass too delicate for more than one cock in it at a time, even if the second was plastic. But Yuuri had liked seeing the guy in the porno filled up and he still thinks Phichit would look good like that. Dammit. “And if I win, we finally make a sex tape.”

Dammit again. Phichit has been asking him off and on but Yuuri keeps rejecting it, too afraid of it being leaked. He licks his lips. 

“Deal,” he says. 

“Kiss on it,” Phichit says and Yuuri fails to smother a smile. 

“I thought it was shake on it?” 

“Kiss,” Phichit demands and Yuuri doesn’t fight it, letting Phichit come over to him and pressing their lips together. 

“I can’t wait to fill you up,” Yuuri says into his lips when they pull apart. 

“Why wait?” Phichit asks. He cups Yuuri’s face to kiss him again but Yuuri pulls back. 

“Your suitcase,” Yuuri says and Phichit swears. Yuuri laughs as he goes to throw some more stuff in then comes back to Yuuri after half a minute of frantically tossing clothes around. 

“More packed. More kissing now,” Phichit says and Yuuri just laughs and laughs as Phichit begins to pepper his skin with kisses. 

#

They arrive in Taipei for Four Continents a few days early so that Yuuri and Phichit can acclimate. It gives Phichit time to play tourist and drag Yuuri along, occasionally with Celestino play the third wheel, to his great disdain and to Phichit’s everloving amusement. They’re eating lunch at a local restaurant when Yuuri gets up to use the restroom and Celestino leans over.

“You can’t follow Yuuri,” Celestino says. 

“What do you mean?” Phichit asks. “The bathroom-“

“When he becomes a coach,” Celestino clarifies. Phichit frowns again. “It’s not that I’m worried about losing you as a student. But Yuuri is just beginning his new path. He’s going to make a lot of mistakes. You have the potential to win.” 

“I don’t like that,” Phichit says, his expression stony. 

“I know you don’t want to hear it,” Celestino says. “But as your current coach, as your friend, I need to say it. Even if it makes you mad at me.”

He leans back like he’s said nothing and when Yuuri comes back, it’s like he never said anything. But he did and Phichit’s good mood is gone. He puts his phone away and focuses on finishing his meal.

Yuuri doesn’t notice anything though he does ask him if he’s nervous. He is but it’s the standard nerves. They’re kind of pushed down by this latest bullshit though. He’s not good at holding things back though and as soon as Celestino bids them good night, he blurts it out.

“Celestino said you can’t be my coach,” Phichit says. 

“What?” Yuuri gives him a blank look. 

“I want you to be my coach,” Phichit says. 

Yuuri stares at him for a second.

“He’s right,” Yuuri says. “You’re Thailand’s best skater. You deserve the best coaches. I’m just starting out. I’m not even a coach yet! Next year I’m going to train with Celestino as an assistant coach and then after that I’ll be qualified, I think. I need to double check.” 

“But I know you’re going to be good at it-“ Phichit starts to protest and Yuuri huffs a little laugh. 

“Yeah but going to be good and already good are two different things,” Yuuri says. “Celestino is already a good coach for you. Why would you trade that for anything?” 

“Because I love you,” Phichit says and Yuuri gives him a fond look. 

“Yeah,” he says, blushing a little even though his gaze is certain. “And I love you. Which is why I wouldn’t take you on as a student. You deserve someone who can help you win. I’m not that person.” 

“You suck,” Phichit says, wiping at his eyes. Yuuri finally says he loves him, but then rejects him at the same time. He’s in love with the stupidest man ever. 

“Come on, you know I’m right,” Yuuri says, a little nervous and awkward, but trying as he takes Phichit’s hands. “I would take you on as a student in a heartbeat if I were older. But not too much older because then that would just be weird and creepy. Uh, wait, I don’t think that would work, because I would need to be a lot older like Celestino, right? Wait, how old is Celestino?” 

“You’re so dumb,” Phichit laughs despite himself at Yuuri’s ramblings. He lets Yuuri squeeze his hands. Part of him doesn’t want to look at Yuuri right now but he knew it was a stretch. It would have been some a neat and simple way to keep Yuuri by his side though. “Why do I even like you?” 

“My great tweets?” Yuuri suggests with a lopsided smile. Sure enough, it makes Phichit laugh again, and to his disgust he snorts. Yuuri’s smile softens. “I don’t know sometimes. But I’m glad you chose me.” 

“I’m the lucky one,” Phichit says, because he believes it. Yuuri could have his pick of anyone in the world, maybe even his beloved Victor Nikiforov, and he keeps coming back to Phichit. 

#

“Man, you’re going to have a hard act to follow,” Phichit says as he watches JJ take to the ice. He’s skating before Yuuri. 

Yuuri wrinkles his nose. He’s a different skater than JJ. 

“I don’t like it,” Yuuri says. He waves a hand to show that ‘it’ encompasses all of JJ.

“You’re so judgemental,” Phichit says. He likes the song and claims it’s catchy which Yuuri will grant. And apparently JJ has a good social media presence along with a group of terrifyingly devoted fangirls.

“I’d be jealous if he wasn’t so, you know,” Yuuri says, with that wave of a hand again. 

“I can never make you jealous,” Phichit says with a pout. 

“That’s not true,” Yuuri says. “It happens all the time. You just aren’t usually around for me to tell you. I wouldn’t tell you if you were here anyway,” he says when Phichit lights up. 

“You’re so boring,” Phichit whines. 

Yuuri gives him a thin smile. They’re both in the next group but Yuuri is first in it while Phichit is second to last. His turn is coming right up next and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. Part of him wants to be on the ice right now and the other part wants to run away, to anywhere that isn’t here. 

He watches as JJ strikes his last pose, politely clapping to Phichit’s more enthusiastic applause, and they watch as his score bumps him up to the top of the current leaderboard. He won Canada’s national title this year and he’s a favorite to win Four Continents. Phichit tells Yuuri that he’s a favorite too but Yuuri can’t take that seriously. No one who saw him last year would call him a favorite for anything. 

“I wish I could learn a quad lutz,” Yuuri says, though he has a feeling he’s going to regret it in a second but he can’t remember why. 

“You could,” Phichit says. He looks at Yuuri. “We both could, you know. I’m not great at quads but I would definitely want to work on learning a new one with you.” 

“Are you going to try for a quad salchow?” Yuuri asks him, blinking in surprise.

Phichit’s been practising now that Yuuri has it more settled. Not perfect, obviously, but Celestino doesn’t feel the need to harness him up or watch him whenever he practices it. 

“I want to,” Phichit says. “But not in the free. I want to try it in the short. Celestino thinks it’s a bad idea but I really want to. I need another quad if I want to compete with you guys.” 

Yuuri is quiet for a moment. 

“I would want to see you try,” he says and he hopes Celestino isn’t around to hear him undermine him like this. 

Phichit grins. 

“Then I guess I should. Can’t disappoint my boy, after all,” Phichit says and Yuuri gives him a look at that. 

They watch as the sweepers gather up the flowers and stuffed animals, and the zamboni comes out to resurface the ice. 

“I thought…” Yuuri started then stopped. 

“Hm?” 

“I don’t know,” he says. “You usually ask me to stay. You didn’t this time. And maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but I don’t know what to think right now and-”

“Ah,” Phichit says. He swallows. “It just didn’t come to me? When I think about it of course I want you to stay and keep competing. But I guess I’m getting used to the idea. Maybe? I still don’t like it, I never will, but it’s what you want. And I want to support that.” 

“Oh,” Yuuri says. He’s not entirely sure what to make of that but he feels okay, so it’s probably a good response. He can’t take the time to sort through it because Celestino finds them in the stands and gestures to them to get up.

“They’re almost done clearing the ice,” Celestino says, and they both nod, getting up to follow after him and prepare for their turns.

It’s his second to last event. Yuuri tries to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest as he steps onto the ice for the short program. Almost to the end. 

#

Phichit comes home with a silver medal from Four Continents. But Yuuri comes back with nothing, and the morning after their arrival, Phichit taps on his door, a little worried about what he’s going to find. To his immense surprise, Yuuri is wide awake and studying, the picture of serenity and calm. 

“What’s up?” Yuuri asks, closing his notebook. It’s more of the coaching regulations that Celestino has been making him study now that he has to know about the other side of figure skating. 

“I was just checking up on you,” Phichit says, surprised into honesty. He could have said almost anything else and pretended this wasn’t an issue. Fuck, he’s so dumb. 

“Ah, right,” Yuuri says then shrugs. “I’m kind of mad at myself more than anything else but I should have known better.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Phichit asks. 

Yuuri pats his bed and Phichit goes, unable to resist that invitation. Yuuri wraps his arm around him, taking the medal he knows is in Phichit’s pocket out and laying it on the bed. 

“It’s beautiful,” Yuuri murmurs. “And you deserve it.” 

“Yuuri,” Phichit says, half warning and half worried. 

Yuuri says nothing for a minute, tracing the design on the medal. 

“I...am so proud of you for medalling,” Yuuri says, soft smile and softer fingers touching the medal on the bed. “I forget about my own loss when I see you. And all I can think about is how happy I am for you.” 

“Yuuri,” Phichit says again, but it’s softer this time, because he’s unable to say anything else. He knows the feeling. But Yuuri’s national win didn’t mean his loss. He could be thrilled for Yuuri with nothing else conflicting him like this. 

“I made a mistake,” Yuuri says. “And it was a honest mistake. I think you said it before, and Celestino definitely said it; I’ve been trying to change my skate around too much, trying to make it perfect for my last year. And it can’t ever be perfect, of course. So the different versions were all mixed up in my head and i went with the old one instead of my most current one. But honestly Phichit, even now? I can’t remember what the most ‘current’ one is like.” 

Phichit tries to wrap Yuuri in a hug but Yuuri shrugs him off. Then after a moment he lets himself be embraced.

“It’s not...bad. I wanted...to do better,” Yuuri says finally. “But now I know what I can’t and can do for Worlds. And it’s better I find out here than there, where it’ll be too late.” 

“Oh. You’re going to announce your retirement there,” Phichit says softly as he realizes it. 

“After,” Yuuri corrects. “No matter what I win or lose, it’s all over at that point.” 

Phichit swallows; he’s known but now the reality is creeping, zooming closer, and he doesn't want it to happen. He wants to keep training and skating with Yuuri. This past year has been amazing even if it hasn’t gone exactly as either of them had planned.

“I want you to do well,” Phichit says quietly.

Yuuri nods then hesitates and buries his face into Phichit’s chest.

“I want to win gold. I want to beat Victor. I want it so bad it hurts,” Yuuri murmurs into his shoulder, the words forced out of his gut, rough and cracked.

Phichit strokes his hair. He loves that he gets to be the person Yuuri admits all his secrets to. But as far as secrets goes, this one isn’t.

“Why does that have to be a secret for you?” Phichit asks with a sigh. “Don’t you think that’s pretty much everyone right now? For the past five years Victor has been the one to beat.” 

Yuuri shakes his head then shrugs. 

“It’s not...I can’t do that. Like you and the others. I can’t go out there and say I want to win a gold medal. I just can’t.” He swallows. “I think I said it once and I failed at the Grand Prix Final. I can’t say it.” 

Phichit can’t understand it but with only one competition left, it’s not something he wants to fight super hard to understand. Still though. 

“Maybe you can’t tell me the reason but I wish you would find out for yourself at least,” Phichit says. “You do want to win gold. We all do. Who would put all this effort into wanting to place second or third? 

Yuuri chuckles a little at that one, conceding that point. Second or third is far better than the more common alternative of winning jackshit. It’s still something to be proud of. But it doesn’t compare to being at the top which is what they’re both always after. 

“I really hope you can answer it for yourself,” Phichit repeats and Yuuri sighs. 

“Me too,” he says. “Me too.”


	9. Chapter 9

Worlds in Boston is here an instant after Four Continents. Phichit feels like he’s was just in Taipei. 

“You seem really calm,” Phichit notes to Yuuri as they arrive at the rink for the first official practice.

“I’m terrified,” Yuuri says with a glazed smile. 

Phichit nods in understanding. It’s the moment they’ve been working towards all year and for Yuuri, it’s the culmination of all his years of hard work. Phichit isn’t looking forward to his own retirement, seeing the way it weighs on Yuuri at times, but it’s not something he can control. One day he will have to stop competing, either by choice or by his body physically giving out. He almost hopes for the second because then it won’t be a choice he has to make. 

“Still, I’m excited,” he says. 

“Me too. But I kind of want to throw up,” Yuuri says. “Or eat something. I don’t know.” 

“Should I kiss it better?” Phichit asks, mostly to be a little shit. 

“I went to bathroom for a minute,” Celestino says in a dry tone and Yuuri jumps away from Phichit, not like they were even that close. 

“We weren’t doing anything!” Yuuri protests and Phichit sadly agrees. He gets excited over Yuuri holding his hand in public. There’s no way he’s making out with him in the middle of a busy backstage arena. 

Celestino doesn’t look convinced but he’s not angry either. He just drops Phichit a wink when Yuuri looks away and Phichit rolls his eyes. He wishes he were that lucky. 

“No quads out there this morning,” he tells them both. “Well, mostly you, Phichit. Yuuri, stick to one or two if you must.” 

“Unfair,” Phichit hisses at Yuuri who shrugs as he removes his blade guards.

“Yuuri Katsuki,” a familiar voice calls out and Yuuri freezes in place. 

Phichit watches as Victor Nikiforov approaches them before they can step onto the ice. He’s dressed in practice clothes, same as them, but he’s also Victor Nikiforov, living legend of the ice. 

“I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you before the competition,” Victor says. He’s smiling as Yuuri shakes his hand, and sure enough, Yuuri’s eyes are wide in surprise and disbelief. “You were the one who skated my routine? That video that went viral?”

“Ah, yes, that was me,” Yuuri stutters. 

“Thank you for that performance. It was beautiful,” Victor says to Yuuri. “Good luck out there today.” 

Phichit whips his phone out and snaps a photo of Yuuri before he can break out of his daze. 

“Phichit, Victor Nikiforov said he liked my skating, didn’t he?” Yuuri says faintly. Phichit would be worried he’s going to pass out but Yuuri’s grip on his arm is too tight.

“He did. By the way, we have to practice, so get your head back on straight so you don’t fall on your pretty face,” Phichit says. 

That’s obviously not enough to snap Yuuri out of it and he spends the whole of practice in that saem daze. He catches Celestino shaking his head at him but once they explain that Yuuri was praised by his idol, he’s more understanding, to Yuuri’s embarrassment. 

“If I knew how to use twitter I would make a blog about it,” Yuuri says. 

“Post,” Phichit hisses the correction because he knows Yuuri can use twitter and instagram and all of those sites just fine, he just chooses not to, the punk. Yuuri smiles at him. 

Then it’s Phichit’s turn to compete and Celestino is talking to him but all he can do is try to find Yuuri in the crowd, to see him cheering him on.

There’s a bittersweet taste in his soul as he strikes his opening pose for the last time in the foreseeable future. He can bring this routine back, of course, and he very well might. But he’s been skating this for a whole year and he’s ready for something new, as much as he adores it. 

The first notes of _The King and The Skater_ ring out and Phichit skates, not just for himself but for his country and for history. He wants to make his mark on the world, to show them how good he is, how he deserves to be here amongst the best in the world. 

“You were amazing,” Yuuri says once he meets up with him again, wonder in his eyes, and Phichit wants to kiss him. 

“Thanks,” he says. He fell on the triple loop and botched the triple axel but he landed his quad toe loop. He’s left points on the table, but he’s here, and he’s trying his best. Celestino agrees and just notes that they’re going to work harder on those elements and the transitions into them. They might have to simplify them for next year but he still has one more skate to perform. And he wants to do his best in it. 

Phichit’s in the third to last group while Yuuri is in the second to last. He doesn’t want to leave him but he has press to engage with. The moment he’s done he hurries back, needing to see Yuuri off before his penultimate skate.

To his disgust and envy, Yuuri has that look where he’s clearly remembering the fact that Victor Nikiforov complimented him. Phichit claps his hands to both sides of Yuuri’s face. 

“Focus, Yuuri,” he says. “Don’t let your idol’s words make you go gaga. His eyeliner wasn’t even that good, it was all crooked and sloppy.” 

“I don’t know anything about that but I know you’re lying,” Yuuri says, just as planned. Phichit grins and Yuuri sighs, realizing what Phichit did. “You’re a terrible person.” 

“And you love me,” he says cheerfully. “Now go listen to Celestino fail to cheer you up and don't faceplant on the ice. I don’t want my boyfriend accepting his silver medal with a bruise on his face.” 

“Go away,” Yuuri says with a smile, pretending to shoo him off. 

Phichit goes to sit in the stands and waits for his boyfriend to step onto the ice, worriedly trying to watch his face as Celestino talks to him. He thinks Celestino is perfectly alright at pep talks but he doesn’t click with Yuuri on this, because Yuuri usually skates off with something still clearly on his mind. But today he just hugs Celestino and takes off, determination in his eyes, which Phichit can see even from here. 

Part of him sighs in relief as the wind from the song starts, and Yuuri moves, sure and precise. Phichit can’t help but bite his nails as Yuuri sets up for the first jump, the quad toe loop, and cheers as he lands it, struggling a little but the rotations are there and it’s a landing. 

He knows this Yuuri on ice too well, and he laughs a little to himself when Celestino gasps as Yuuri take off in a quad salchow. Of course Yuuri would try for his nemesis of a jump; he wouldn’t be Yuuri otherwise. 

But he crashes into the ice, and Phichit winces as he does, panic blooming for a heartbeat. Yuuri gets up and continues as if nothing happened, though Phichit is sure he’s berating himself. He can’t see it in his performance though and that’s the important part. 

“Why are you so dumb?” Phichit cries out once he sees Yuuri again, tackling him in a hug, hoping he doesn’t hurt him but unable to stop himself. He needs to physically touch him and he thinks this more friendly hug will pass. Celestino steps to the side so that they don’t bump into him too. 

“Get off,” Yuuri says, annoyed but not supremely so. “You try for the quad sal too. Why are you yelling at me?” 

“I worry about your stupid face,” Phichit says seriously. 

Yuuri sputters for a moment then sighs and shrugs. 

“Sorry,” he says. Despite his fall he’s in fourth, thanks to the other skaters falling or under rotating their jumps too. It’s a bit of a disaster of a short program at Worlds this year. 

“It was beautiful,” Phichit says. “Your triple axel is the best, even better than Victor’s. Don’t give me that look, other people say it too.” 

“It’s not true,” Yuuri protests without heat. But Victor isn’t at his peak this year, and it seems like Yuuri can admit for a minute that maybe yes, he can do something better than his idol. 

“Coach says shower and rest,” Celestino says, looking at his watch. “There’s still more press to do, but after that, I say we go out for dinner.” 

“Sounds good,” Phichit says, fully planning on showering and not resting, not when they’re both still so wound up from skating and performing. He can feel Yuuri’s muscles tense under his clothes and he wants to massages the knots out of him. 

He’s not the only one with the idea because as soon as they’re in their room, Yuuri jumps him, pushing him into the wall with a kiss. 

“You were amazing,” Yuuri says, panting as they seperate. “I love watching you skate that routine. You’re so passionate about it.” 

“Oh my god, don’t stop,” Phichit moans as Yuuri’s hand goes to his zipper. 

“Uh, the compliments, or the sex?” Yuuri asks. 

“Either. Both. Get naked now. Just please, please, keep doing it,” Phichit pleads, mostly meaning the compliments because it’s so good for his ego, but he likes Yuuri’s hands on him too. 

“Naked first,” Yuuri agrees. 

#

“I’m glad Celestino let you be here,” Phichit says as he shifts on the ice, his turn coming up in mere seconds. Celestino has said his piece and now he’s taken a step to the side, letting them have a moment.

“Yeah,” Yuuri says. He wants to say something profound and inspiring but he’s not good at that. Instead it’s Phichit who covers his hand and speaks. 

“Watch me, okay?” Phichit asks in a whisper, as if Yuuri would do anything else. Victor Nikiforov himself couldn’t pull Yuuri’s gaze away from Phichit right now. 

“Of course,” Yuuri says. He should do something like kiss Phichit, but instead he smiles at him. He can only be himself. “Go win.”

Phichit beams back at him and takes off in a flash. Celestino looks between them and gives Yuuri a little grin, ready to tease. 

“I say the same things and yet it means so much more coming from you,” he says. 

Yuuri bites his lip and looks down, ridiculously happy. He’s nervous for his turn, of course, all the more that Victor Nikiforov is skating right after him. But right now he just wants to watch Phichit skate well. 

_Terra Incognita_ rings out, and Yuuri has heard this song many times, not only in practice but from the movies as well. They’ve spent many an evening curled up on the couch after a long day, Phichit taking comfort in his favorite movie. He’s explained it before, how much it means to him to see the sport of his life and his country in the same film. 

Yuuri claps as Phichit lands his triple axel, holding his breath as Phichit enters the second half. He has his quads backloaded to try to gain as many points as possible since he doesn’t have the option of multiple quad types. 

Yuuri smothers a smile as he watches Phichit shift for the triple salchow takeoff, unsurprised when he pushes for the fourth rotation. Celestino groans next to him as Phichit slams into the ice, and he’s not sure that Phichit got the full rotations. But he’s trying to push himself as far as he can go. And Yuuri can only love him for it. 

When Phichit touches down on the second quad toe loop, barely managing a double on what should have been a longer combination, they all know he won’t be going home with a medal tonight. But you would never be able to tell by the elation in his face, the way he continues to perform as if the entire skate had been flawless. 

“I, Yuuri,” Phichit starts as he meets him at the boards but Yuuri understands, and he holds his arms open so that Phichit can fall into them, his fingers digging into his back as he lets himself crack for just a moment. When he pulls away, he’s composed again, as if it had never happened. 

“You’re going to get a good presentation score,” Celestino says, proud. “The crowd loved it.” 

“That’s good,” Phichit says. He wipes at his forehead to keep sweat from dripping into his eyes. “I can’t do a quad sal in the second half though. But I wanted to try. I had to try.” 

“We’ll talk about it more later,” Celestino says. He glances at Yuuri who tries to look unrepentant. “I know exactly why you were doing it.” 

“Yuuri’s a bad influence,” Phichit teases and Yuuri pokes him in the side, not appreciating the tone. 

Sure enough, Phichit’s score is high enough to earn him first place, but with two whole groups of skaters to go including the champions from Four Continents, Europeans, and the Grand Prix Final, he won’t be able to hold the spot. 

“Okay, Yuuri, it’s up to you to win the whole thing,” Phichit says and Yuuri groans at him. 

“Phichit-kun! You can’t say stuff like that,” he says. He’s already nervous enough. 

“Think of Celestino’s coaching career! You can’t bring him shame. Get the gold and save his honor, Yuuri,” Phichit says, voice serious but eyes laughing. 

“Stop it,” Yuuri says, unable to help his own laugh. “You’re terrible.” 

“Don’t involve me in this,” Celestino says with a fond look, tossling Phichit’s hair. Phichit bats his hands away, complaining that Celestino has ruined his hair, though it’s completely out of place after his skate. They don’t bother pointing that out to him. 

Phichit has interviews to do and Celestino claps Yuuri on the back and promises to return long before it’s his turn. Yuuri nods and let’s them go, preferring to stay in the back and continues warming up, away from the crowds and cheers, though of course he can still hear them. But he doesn’t need to watch them. He wants to focus on himself, on his last skate, and as much as he loves Phichit and appreciates Celestino, he needs some time to himself.

Phichit’s words from yesterday have been in the back of his mind, waiting for the chance to crystalize, and he can feel himself on the cusp of it. So many other skaters are open about wanting to win first place. Even skaters like Victor have been confident about wanting to reclaim his medals and titles. 

Yuuri stops moving for a second. Well, of course, he has no confidence. He’s always been afraid, only able to move forward because his love for skating outweighs his anxieties about it. It’s his saving grace, that he can fall a hundred times but still get up and land his jumps on the one hundredth and one time. 

Why would he quit, when he can’t imagine being anywhere other than the ice? He doesn’t need to be the best to be here. But he wants to be. He wants what everyone else wants, to stand at the top of the podium, and it hurts when he isn’t. Because he can be. He has the skill, the talent, and the effort behind him. 

He just never believes it, not until after, when he’s fighting back the lump in his throat. And it’s easier to push that wish down where even he can’t find it. 

Yuuri feels his phone vibrate as a text from Celestino comes through, telling him they’re done and ready to meet up. His turn is coming up soon then. 

“There you are,” Celestino says. “Ready for this?” 

“Maybe,” Yuuri says as he falls in step with them. Phichit is by his side, clearly intending to stay, just as Yuuri did before for him. 

He stops just before the ice and stares at it. It’s his last time. His fingers are trembling as he takes his skate guards off and hands them to Celestino, though his feet are steady as he steps onto the ice.

“Whatever happens out there, I’m proud of you,” Celestino says. “It’s been an honor to coach you.” 

“Thank you,” Yuuri says, dazed. He can’t believe this day is here. 

“Hey, hey, stop that,” Phichit scolds gently, interlocking their fingers. The feeling of Phichit’s cold hands snaps him out and Yuuri finds himself looking into Phichit’s eyes. “You’re going to do great. We both know it.” 

Yuuri stares at Phichit. He licks his lips. 

“I think...I figured it out,” Yuuri says, and Phichit blinks. “I...I can’t say it. But I want it. You know?” 

“Oh,” Phichit says as comprehension dawns on him. Then he smiles warmly at Yuuri. “Of course I know.” 

Yuuri squeezes their hands together once more then lets go as his name is called.

He wants to win gold. He’s always wanted it. The terror and shame of losing keep holding him back. But this is the moment where he cannot hold himself back. Yuuri searches out Phichit’s gaze and nods; he can’t wait to see his answer or if he understands. The music starts and he moves, ready to push his body to the limit for the last time on this stage. 

It wouldn’t be impossible to keep going after this. He knows Celestino would keep him on, the JSF would be alright with continuing to support him, his sponsors would mostly be willing, and his family would be supportive. But as he prepares for the quad salchow take off, fighting to nail it, he knows this is the end. 

He lands, sweeping out his leg and skating into the next set of steps smooth as can be, body and mind trained for a year to perform this dance. He loves this so much, the way he can move with technical precision but fluid grace, showing the emotions he can never explain through movement. 

He burns and aches, and pushes himself through it, setting up for the next jump and landing the triple lutz as clean as he could wish. 

Watch, he wants to scream. Watch me dance one last time. This life of mine will be over soon and so you have to watch. 

He can’t leave the ice, not entirely. He loves it too much to ever quit it completely. But he’s done being on this side of it. 

One last spin and then he finishes, holding his pose for a beat before reality overwhelms him.

Yuuri collapses to his knees, staring up at the lights of the arena with tears running down his face. It’s done and he can’t stop crying. He lets the cheers wash over him, trying to take in the whole experience so he can burn it into his memory. 

Then he gets up and skates to where Celestino and Phichit are waiting for him for the last time. 

“That was a perfect last skate,” Phichit says and all Yuuri can do his hold him tight, bursting with too many emotions. But being with Phichit always calms his hearts and mind, and he needs that, even as he doesn’t want to lose this feeling. 

He watches with his heart in his throat as Victor falls on his signature flip, as Otabek Altin crashes on a quad lutz attempt, and as Chris botches a valuable combination. And yet he still can’t believe it as he watches his name stay at the top, the announcer confirming him as the gold medalist. He knows he’s crying, but it’s so far away, even Celestino’s arm around him is distant. 

The podium is a blur but the gold around his neck is so clear and he can feel the weight of it. 

It isn’t until the press conference that Yuuri begins to feel something like sense returning to him. Then the questions begin and the first one is about his retirement. 

Yuuri blinks, trying to figure out how they learned that, then leans into the microphone. 

“Yes, I will be retiring this year.”

#

“I am so sorry about that,” Phichit says again. It’s all come out at once, Yuuri’s retirement and the fact that they’re dating. Someone had overheard Phichit say to Yuuri it was his last skate and it had spiraled from there. 

“Well, I was going to announce it anyway,” Yuuri says, texting on his phone. Phichit suspects he’s texting his sister because he keeps having to hide his smiles and she’s already texted Phichit to tell him that he’s an idiot. “My retirement, that is. We were gonna figure out the dating thing later but I’m kind of sad you didn’t get to do it. I thought you had big plans for it or something.” 

“I had some ideas,” Phichit says, sadly deleting the folder he had specifically filled with memes and gifs for the event. At least he still has the anniversary ones he can use. “Should we be getting ready for the gala?” 

“Probably,” he says, making no move to get up. 

“Come on, I have to do your hair and makeup. I can’t believe you didn’t let me do them for your last performances. That messy hair is cute and all but you need to look amazing for your last gala,” Phichit says. 

“Uh, no thanks,” Yuuri says. “I’m fine.” 

“Get up and get ready,” Phichit threatens with a smile. He holds up a hairbrush and a mascara tube. “Or else.” 

Yuuri glances at the door and Phichit can see on his face that he’s wondering how far he could make it. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Phichit says and Yuuri submits with a sigh. 

Celestino arrives twenty minutes later to them fully dressed but with them holding an ice pack to Yuuri’s face.

“Do I even want to know what happened?” Celestino asks as Yuuri pouts and tosses the ice in the bathroom sink.

“I stabbed him in the eye and I regret everything,” Phichit explains and Celestino just looks at Yuuri worriedly. 

“It’s fine,” Yuuri says with a sigh. “I think the redness has gone down. I don’t wear contacts so it doesn’t really matter.” 

“I can’t believe I almost stabbed your eye out,” Phichit says. He sighs then glares at Yuuri. “This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t moved.” 

“Are you blaming me for this?” Yuuri asks, flat tones and accusing eyes. 

Phichit keeps his mouth shut instead of answering. He just wants Yuuri to look perfect. Eventually Yuuri lets it go and lets their arms brush against one another, a very quiet and subtle gesture that Phichit nearly misses. But he doesn’t, and he wraps himself around Yuuri’s arm, a little surprised that Yuuri lets it happen. 

“You okay?” Yuuri asks first. 

“Great, but how about you?” Phichit asks, glancing down at where he’s hanging off Yuuri. 

Yuuri gets it and shrugs a little. 

“Everyone knows, right? So I figure, it’s nice, and maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe?” 

“You’re so weird,” Phichit says with a laugh. He lets go of his arm as they get to the rink, aware that Yuuri relaxes a little as he does. 

Phichit hadn’t been invited to skate in the gala solo but when they’d explained how Yuuri had wanted to skate with him, they’d been welcomed. He placed eighth and he’s proud of finishing in the top ten. But it doesn’t compare to winning a medal, and he’s got a lot to train and practice this coming year. 

“Ready to join me?” Yuuri asks, holding out a hand to him on the ice. The crowd’s cheers swell as they realize that they’re performing a duet. 

Phichit takes his hand with a smile, not needing any words at this point, and joins him on the ice.

**Author's Note:**

> https://scribblyorro.tumblr.com/
> 
> Comments are appreciated. Kudos are appreciated. Tumblr messages are appreciated. If you're shy or don't like commenting that's okay, I still appreciate that you read this.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this huge chunk of phichuuri words!


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